The vocation to parenthood

 This is my homily for yesterday, the 11th Sunday in Ordinary Time, Cycle A.  This particular Sunday also was Father's Day.  The readings for the day are here.

It’s the time of year when dioceses are ordaining their new priests and new deacons.  Earlier this month, our now-former seminarian, Deacon Isaac Doucette, became Father Isaac Doucette.  He’ll celebrate mass at St. Edna next weekend, at the 9:30 mass.  

And today I’m going to talk about vocations.  But I’m not going to talk about becoming a priest or a religious sister or a religious brother or a deacon.  To be sure: I will always make myself available to talk with you, or anyone, about that kind of religious vocation, if you’re feeling pulled in that direction.  But today, on this Father’s Day weekend, I want to talk about a different kind of vocation: the vocation to parenthood.   

If I’ve baptized any of your children or grandchildren, or if you’ve ever attended one of my baptism preparation sessions, you’ve heard me talk about the vocation to parenthood.  Because I firmly believe that parenthood isn’t just a job.  Parenthood isn’t gig work or a side hustle.  Parenthood truly is a vocation.  It’s a sacred vocation to which God has called us.

Why do I describe parenthood as a vocation?  I’ll provide three reasons.  First of all, the dictionary says that to pursue a vocation requires great dedication and commitment.  Vocations are supposed to be the sort of thing that we pour all of ourselves into.  That’s true for priests and religious sisters and brothers and deacons – and it’s true for parents as well.   If you’re a dad, or a mom, chances are you’ve already figured that out.  Parenthood is not something we can just show up for, do the minimum, and then punch out at the end of the day.  For parenthood, there is no “quiet quitting”.  There are no “Bare Minimum Mondays”.  When you’re a dad or a mom, you’re always on duty.  And it’s not easy.  I lost count of the number of nights I had to roll out of bed, multiple times in a single night, because the baby was crying.  

Before I became a parent, I was famous among my family and friends for being able to sleep through anything.  That changed when God sent babies into our lives.  When the baby cries, you have to respond.  It’s as if, in becoming a parent, God was rewired us – rewired our ears and hearts to respond to these little ones who are crying – crying out to us for help.  

I hear an echo in today’s Gospel of responding to little ones in need.  We’re told that Jesus’s heart was filled with pity when he looked upon the people, because they were like sheep without a shepherd.  When a child comes into your family, they are like lost lambs, too.  They need a good shepherd.  They need a mom, and a dad, to care for them.  God fills our hearts with the same pity and love for them that Jesus feels for us.  In fact, if you want to get some idea of how much Jesus loves us, think about how much your mom or your dad loved you - or, if you are a parent, think about how much you love your children.  Jesus loves us that much - and more.

Here is a second way in which parenthood is a sacred vocation.  Turning again to the dictionary, we see that a vocation includes an element of suitability.  We want our priests to be suitable for the priesthood: to have the right qualities and aptitudes for leading and serving others.  Some of these qualities and aptitudes, priests were born with or had developed early in life, perhaps before they had ever thought of becoming a priest.  And a young seminarian or priest may have other skills and abilities which are latent – they possessed them, but haven’t yet been used until becoming a priest, and are useful or necessary for ministry, and so they need to be called forth and developed.  And then there may be gaps in a priest's qualities and aptitudes which require gifts from God to fill.  None of us are perfectly prepared for what God is calling us to do.

All this is true of the vocation of parenting as well.  Somehow our being dads and moms fits our talents and abilities, even when we didn’t know we had some of those gifts until our kids came along.  In my case, when I became a dad, I didn’t know I had any particular talents or skills as a parent.  But there is this important difference: priests receive years of formal preparation for the priesthood.   Not so with parenting: for better or worse, most of us don’t go to school and get certifications to be parents; parenthood sort of happens to us, ready or not, and it’s up to us to figure it out – usually when we’re already in the midst of it.   We parents are building the airplane while it’s already up in the air, in flight.  We’re learning how to fulfill our vocation while we’re doing it.

Again, this echoes this weekend’s Gospel reading.  Jesus sent forth the twelve to do amazing things: cure the sick; drive out demons; even raise the dead.  Do you think the twelve had any clue they could do those things?  And, in a sense, they couldn’t, not with their own native abilities; if they were able to do these things at all – and they were - it’s because God gave them gifts.  In my case as a dad, God gave me gifts, too, that I didn’t know I had.  The most important gift God gives us dads and moms in this regard is the gift of loving our children.  I didn’t know how much love I had in me, until God sent kids my way.

Here is a third way that being a parent is a vocation.  This might be the most important aspect of all: vocations are callings.  By “calling” I mean: we don’t choose, all on our own, to be parents.  We may think we did it all by ourselves, making these children – but if that’s what we think, we may not be as attentive to God at work in our lives as we could be.   This is true of all vocations, including vocations to the priesthood or the diaconate or religious life: we don’t really choose our vocations on our own.  If it’s really our vocation, it’s because God has called us to it.  And I believe with all my heart that this is true of the vocation of parenthood, too: if we’re parents, whether or not we planned to be parents, it’s because this is what God has called us to do.  And it’s up to us to respond to the call, with love and self-giving.

Most of us parents don’t have the luxury of just being parents: we have to balance parenthood with other commitments, like work, and marriage, and obligations to extended family, and other things in our lives.  Most of us have more than one vocation.  Yes, I’m a deacon, but I also have a vocation to parenthood, a vocation to being a husband, a vocation to being a son, a vocation to being a brother, a neighbor, and the list can continue on from there.  Someday, I may be called to the vocation to being a grandfather.  Some of us have vocations – true callings – to do particular work, like teaching, or medicine, or tool and die making.

If God has called us to be parents, then trying to live out our vocation-filled lives without God is futile.  And yet the world is filled with people who don’t see God at work in our lives, who don’t get that God created all this, and is looking over us, and loves us, and wants to help us, and in fact is helping us all the time, whether we see it or not.  Dads, and moms, this is my final Father’s Day piece of advice today: live a life that acknowledges God, and thanks God¸ and turns to God for help.  And then, teach our kids to do the same.  

Happy Father’s Day, dads.  And moms, thank you for helping us dads to pursue our vocations to parenthood.