I had a nice Mother's Day, hope any NG readers who are moms did as well. Our older son and wife came for lunch, and sprung for take-out, so we didn't have to prepare a meal, which was appreciated. It was especially appreciated that now we can get together, since the adults are fully vaxed. 2020 was a long year without much in person family contact. Our family celebrations of Mother's Day and Father's Day tend to be pretty casual, with visits or phone calls, and small gifts; not a big production.
I notice lately, though, that Mother's Day is the holiday many women love to hate. I do sort of understand that, especially if they are recently bereaved, either having lost a mother or a child. And with the loss of a child, it would always be in the background. Usually our priest will ask the mothers in the congregation to stand, and he would give a general blessing. But this year he didn't. My husband said that the archdiocese had asked the priests and deacons not to do this, because some people were bereaved, or had a poor relationship with their mother or adult children, or had a miscarriage, or had given a child up for adoption, etc. However a couple of teens sang "On This Day, O Beautiful Mother" for Communion. And the K of C were selling "red roses for life" out in the parking lot.
I have read several posts online in which the authors heartily wished that the holiday would get un-declared. They really, really, don't like it. In which case they should certainly not be obliged to celebrate it. If they wanted to go somewhere and do something else, and not be around home, I would be in their corner. People should do what works for them.
I remember the year my mother died, I kept Mother's Day pretty understated. It used to be a custom that women would wear a red flower if their mother was living, or a white one if she had passed away. I pinned a white flower to my lapel when I went to church. But in following years, I just remember the good times with my mom. And celebrate with my kids, and later, the grandkids. I still miss Mom, but I know I'll see her again someday. She wouldn't want us to stay stuck in mourning.
For some reason, Father's Day is not so fraught. I have never heard any dads say they wished the day would just go away. They have some of the same challenges with parenthood that women do; they lose people , or have less than perfect relationships, too. I wonder why Father's Day is less angst ridden?
Yeah, that difference between Mother's Day angst and Father's Day angst is interesting.
ReplyDeleteI admit I've been completely oblivious to the anti-Mother's-Day contingent. My mom always used to claim it's a Hallmark holiday and not a big deal, but I think it's become a bigger deal to her in recent years. I'm the only one of her children who lives within reasonable driving distance - the rest of my siblings are scattered around the country. The grandkids are getting older and less "manageable" - they're all sort of living their own adult or near-adult lives now. My mom is in her 80s and is experiencing her contemporary friends and cousins dying, so I think her own family is looming larger in importance.
For my wife, Mother's Day always been a big deal. She wants/expects the kids to make a deal of it, and it seems I'm not off the hook, either. I actually had to work on Sunday late afternoon and evening*, so wasn't able to make dinner. She ended up making dinner for the family, and grumbled about it. The kids, who are adults and know how to cook, could have, probably should have, taken care of it. If that happened on Father's Day, I wouldn't have minded making dinner - I like to cook, and Father's Day doesn't actually loom very large in my life. Probably a lot of truth to the notion that every day is Father's Day already.
* This work event thing was scheduled by an American co-worker whose own mother has passed away. The other participants were in India or the Philippines - maybe Mother's Day isn't done there.
I am among those who dislikes Mothers Day for a number of reasons. Fortunately my husband and sons were perfectly happy to follow my wishes and low key it. It is very painful now for my sister. Ever since her daughter was murdered 3 days before Christmas, the three most painful days of the year, besides the anniversary of the murdered, are Christmas, her daughter’s birthday, and Mother’s Day.
ReplyDeleteAnne, I can definitely understand why it is painful for your sister. I haven't experienced anything as tragic as a murder of a family member. However for some reason I have trouble remembering death dates, even having to look them up sometimes. But I can always remember the birthdays of the loved ones who have died.
Delete