Families, imperfect and holy

This past Sunday, the feast of the Holy Family of Jesus, Mary and Joseph, the wives of our deacons were invited to preach.  Here is what my wife Therese preached.  The readings for this past Sunday are here.

The Christmas season tends to be a time very focused on family, both present and past.  At our house we decorated our tree with ornaments our kids made when they were little and “Baby’s 1^st Christmas ornaments for 3 out of the 4 children” (sorry Stephanie), I made kolacky using my grandmother’s recipe, and I thought about my mom, who I lost on Christmas Eve 23 years ago.  We have the boys in from college, and we saw Jim’s parents yesterday.  There’s been lots of laughter, music, gifts, and just time spent together.  I hope that you have had a chance to spend some time with your families this Christmas, too.

Today the Church celebrates the feast of the Holy Family.  Here at St. Edna’s, we have a beautiful statue in our narthex, honoring the Holy Family.   Jesus.  Mary.  Joseph.  What makes that family a Holy Family?  Are they a perfect family?  Do they have perfect lives?  No, definitely not.  I’m pretty sure their neighbors speculated about how quickly Jesus was born after Mary and Joseph were married, and how there were no more children after that.  In those days, perfect families were big families.  That was not this family.

Things didn’t always go right for this family, either.  Jesus was born at a time that they didn’t expect it, they weren’t prepared, and they welcomed their little boy in a barn.  No detailed birth plan, no clean hospital, no experienced doctors, just Mary and Joseph and animals and straw.  In today’s Gospel, we heard the story when they had to flee the country, due to threats to Jesus’ life.  It’s hard to imagine, the haste and the fear, and the feeling of being an alien in a strange land.  One time, when they were travelling in a large group, they actually lost Jesus.  They searched for days, finally finding him back where they came from, in the Temple.  Perfect families know where their kids are, right?  In the eyes of the world, this was not a perfect family.  Holy families may not look like perfect families.

So what makes this imperfect family a Holy Family?  Each member of this family, Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, said “yes” to God, and they lived that commitment to God throughout their lives.  Joseph was asked to make Mary his wife, and to raise Jesus, who was not his, as his own son, and he said “yes”.  Mary was asked to be Jesus’ mother, and she said “yes”.  Jesus was asked to forsake his divinity, to leave Heaven, to live and die to save us, and he said “yes”.  Their dedication to God, their willingness to say “yes” to what He asked of them, is what makes them a Holy family.  Through that one Holy Family, three people who were willing to say “yes” and serve God, we are all saved.  Heaven is our gift from them.

As we know, our families come in all kinds of shapes and sizes.  Work families.  Classmates.  Our friends.  At Midnight Mass, Fr. Darrio reminded us that our community here at St. Edna’s is a family.  Our families will never be perfect families, and our families will never be The Holy Family, but we can all work towards being a holy family, by saying our “yes” to God and through our dedication to Him.  One of our responsibilities to God and to the people in our families, is to nurture the members of our family and to help them grow into the people that God is calling them to be.  When you are a parent, you put a lot of time and energy into this.  You take care that your children eat the right food, nurse them when they are sick, make them put on a hoodie when it’s cold, help them with their homework, drive them to their activities.  You introduce them to God and teach them to say their prayers.  You teach them, you encourage them, you correct them, you help them to grow. 

In a holy family, I think it’s important to remember that it is not just the children in a family who need to be nurtured.  As I get older, I realize that I am still growing, I’m still changing, and so is my husband, Jim.  I don’t think there is a day in our lives we can point to and say, “that is the day I finished growing up” until the day we die.  Everyone in a family needs care and nourishment and nursing and encouragement and teaching and correction.  As a wife, I think it’s very important for my family to continue to support my husband Jim on his path of growing into the person God meant him to be, just as he encourages me. 

Another responsibility we have to God and to our families is to love the members of our family.  After a whole season of watching Hallmark movies, loving someone sounds easy and natural, but in real life it can be extremely hard.  Loving a baby means getting up for middle of the night feedings and nasty diapers.  Loving a toddler means taking them to a safe place to have a tantrum.  Loving a teenager means loving someone who thinks you are the stupidest person in the universe.  We are called to love people who snore, who don’t share our political views, who keep changing the channels during commercials, who watch too many Hallmark movies.  Sometimes loving a person means we have to accept who they are, even if it is not who we want them to be.   On the other hand, sometimes loving a person means we have to tell them they are on the wrong path, that they are doing things that are harmful to themselves and to the family, that they are not being the person God meant them to be. 

 Loving the other members of our holy family means to see them with God’s eyes, and to reflect God’s love back to them.

In a few days, it will be New Year’s Day, the first day of the year 2020.  A lot of us are taking a look at ourselves and our lives, seeing what we might want to change.  One of the things we can reflect upon is our own holy families.  How can we nurture our families and its members?  How do I need to be nurtured and to grow?  How can my families serve God better and be more rooted in God?  How can my family be more holy?