Sounds like several of us in here have moved into our golden retirement years, so here's a riff on retirement, stress, and stressors.
Gore Vidal called his retirement and move to California from Italy "the Cedars-Sinai years." Retirement rates a stress score of 45 on the Holmes-Rahe Life Stress Inventory. Dealing with a major personal illness rates 53 points, and a change in residence rates another 20 points. When Vidal's lifelong companion died that added another 100 points, giving him a total of over 200 stress points.
The Holmes-Rahe scale attempts to link stress with morbidity. A score of over 150 predicts that you have a 50-50 chance of a "major health breakdown" in the next two years. A score of 300 or more ratchets your chances up to 80 percent. Read more and get the stress inventory here.
The problem is that the Holmes-Rahe inventory was developed in the 1960s, and life seems to have many new stressors now.
Here are some things that stress me out that didn't exist in 1967 and should be added to the scale in no particular order:
President Donald Trump (corr.)
Global warming
Heavily perfumed dryer sheets that the neighbors vent into my personal space
Cars without hand window cranks that can be used in case your vehicle is submerged
School shooters
My sister-in-law's Facebook page
Sensitivity training in the workplace
Airport security
Graphic overload on cable news networks
Opioid addiction
Direct-to-consumer drug advertising
Having to "listen to the following options" when you call the insurance company
I don't know what we do about stress. My m.o. has always been sarcasm and alienating people. Deep breathing and chamomile tea are supposed to help. So is saying the rosary, but I don't think that it was invented for its anti-stress properties.
So.
What stresses you out about life in the 21st century, and how do you deal?
My blood pressure has gone up, literally, since Nov 8, 2016. Trump and his supporters and what they represent (the total destruction of both traditional American values and Christian values) are my biggest stressors right now. I haven't gone back to the doc because she said that if it stayed up, she would put me on meds.
ReplyDeleteI have mentioned more than once that I would like to just run away. I am not a stand and fight type, I am a run and hide type. If the Nov elections don't send a strong signal that the American people are fed up with the GOP's blind support of the man in the White House, I intend to start planning. We are discussing spending the winter in southern France, so that we can explore options there and in Spain and Portugal. I would go to Canada but I am too subject to depression when there are too many gray, cold, rainy days. I need the sun. I have barely made it in the mid-Atlantic climate. My California roots I guess.
I have been trying to get back in the habit of meditating - the christian version called Centering Prayer. Once I get into the habit, it dramatically reduces anxiety and fear. I have downloaded some meditation books etc onto my iphone so that I can also listen to soothing voices, prayers, music while I walk. Walking is another habit I am trying to get back to. Haven't walked much since my knee went bad last winter. But the doc says it's good for the knee to walk, even if it hurts somewhat, which it does. But I have found that walking does help it some, slowly but surely. I keep trying to avoid reading the news online, but have so far failed at that. We never watch TV news, but breaking the online and paper news reading is harder. So, walking and meditating.
Anne, Centering Prayer is something I am drawn to, also. Unfortunately it is much easier to get out of the habit than back into it.
DeleteKatherine, I practiced CP faithfully for 7 years, and it carried me through a really difficult time of my life. But I did get out of the habit, and the prayer group I belonged to disbanded several years ago. I'm working on getting into the daily habit again, even without a group to help keep me disciplined.
DeleteRetirement for me has not been especially stressful, because I was self employed from 1982 until I stopped working about 4 years ago. We got health insurance through my husband's employment, and I put the max into my SEP IRA each year for retirement. I had to stop working because of my hearing loss. I needed to use the phone a lot, and couldn't understand a lot of people, especially women. I needed to participate in meetings around large conference tables and couldn't understand a lot of what was said, again, especially by the women. Sometimes I worked with a virtual team, which was good, except for the weekly team conference call. I couldn't follow the discussions well enough.
ReplyDeleteI loved being a freelancer because I had good control over my time. I worked from home, and only needed to go into client offices now and then. Some of them gave me a desk and computer of my own, so I could work there or at home. I worked mostly from home though. I worked when I wanted - often at night, so that I could do the kid stuff after school etc, and never had to deal with the grocery store during the weekends or evenings when the stores are much more crowded.
It was a bit hard when my husband retired too. I am an introvert, and since I worked mostly from home, once the kids were out of the nest, I had a lot of alone time, which I need. But my husband is even more introverted than I am - a high introvert - and he never ever sits still, always involved with a project, so it's been OK. My biggest problem is boredom. I have mentioned before that I had planned to take classes, maybe even go back for another degree, just for myself, not for a career move, but the hearing loss has shut that door for now. The hearing loss is a huge source of stress for me.
One of the not so golden things about getting older is health issues. Hearing loss is awful, but it's not likely to shorten my life span. Some here, like Jean, are dealing with far more challenging health problems.
Good topic, Jean. I am glad I am not the only one who has felt a little stressed with retirement. Don't get me wrong, I am happy about it too, or I wouldn't have done it. But a number of people at work have said, "Oh, you're so lucky! I wish I was at that point. *sigh*" I feel like saying, don't wish the time away. That's your life, you only have so many days. Maybe it's more than the Biblical threescore and ten. But it's finite.
ReplyDeleteSome of my stress is actually not about retiring. It's about the health of family members. There's my dad, who will be 90 next week. He has the usual health challenges of old age, however he isn't doing that badly right now. He is actually in better shape than my two brothers-in-law, who are much younger than me. One of them has been battling cancer for 12 years, and isn't doing well now. The other one has a chronic illness which isn't fatal, but which jacks with his immune system, and leaves him feeling fatigued and ill much of the time. He needs to retire early, but can't afford to yet. I feel badly for them, and wonder how best to be supportive of my sisters, who are going through a rough time too. Mostly I just listen if they want to vent, that's about all I can do. And pray a lot.
Then there is finances. I believe the already-retired former coworker who told me, "There's only two things you'll miss: the people and the paycheck." Most people have less money coming in than they did when they were working. And we don't have a problem being frugal, we never have lived a high-rolling lifestyle. It's the cotton-picking insurance premiums. There is Medicare Extended, Medicare B, and a drug plan. There of course continues to be car insurance and homeowner's. And long-term care insurance, which isn't cheap. But if you don't have it, and one of you has to spend time in assisted care, the expense can put the other one in a bad way. You can be insurance-poor before you actually spend anything on living expenses.
Part of the reason I was looking forward to retirement is to be more involved with my granddaughters. Now I just have to figure out how to find interstices in their mom and dad's busy lives to do that without being a pain in the neck.
Then of course there is the 21st century dumpster fire of our national politics (and to a lesser degree, state also). I have to believe there will be a swing of the pendulum. I have to detach from it to a degree, and stay away from toxic news sites. And people who like to bloviate about it. Which will be easier than when I was working. Though my noisier coworkers didn't seem to hold my being a libtard against me. I got a farewell hug from the ones who pranked me by putting a Trump sticker on my car. And they all signed a card and put some money in it.
I am having a hard time not planning for classes. Keep finding little clips and articles for my media or lit classes, and, oops, I remember that's gone.
ReplyDeleteI also miss getting up in the morning and putting on something nice. Stupid, I know, but I think I will have to have a dress-up day once a week for awhile until I decide to let myself go entirely.
I will be giving a paper in October, and hope to continue my scholarship, but it sometimes seems pathetic at times, like I'm hanging on and trying to be relevant.
Three of my closest friends have died already. So I'm not going into this with much of a "network." That means I have to fight the urge to be demanding of the friends I have left, most of whom are still working.
Aging is like going through puberty backwards. I trust it will all shake out eventually if I am patient, willing to take some chances, and don't spend much money.
"Aging is like going through puberty backwards." I like that.
DeleteLest it seem that I am being overly negative about retirement, I should add that there are a lot of things I am looking forward to. Such as more freedom. When you gain 40 hours in your week, a lot of possibilities open up. And I am looking forward to walking in the morning when it is cool, and having a leisurely cup of tea on the deck in the morning, listening to the mourning doves and catdinals. Going to daily Mass. Getting back into doing art, which I have done sporadically over the years. And spending more time with family. Maybe taking a few trips.
"Catdinals". A typo, I meant cardinals. Though catdinals sound like an interesting hybrid.
DeleteReading and the porch, yes, nice.
DeleteThere's stress in taking care of an aged parent. My old life is on hold except for bits and pieces. There are unpleasant aspects to the situation that I hadn't forseen. I guess there's stress but there are no money problems, especially since my mother's house was sold. I can't imagine what it's like to be in this situation without money. That would be stressful. Last year was especially stressful, with my aunt in her final days, my making endtime decisions while my mother's problems were increasing. Things are relatively settled down now. Can't say I'm happy clappy but the stress level is lower. Sometimes, though.
ReplyDeleteStanley, I hear you. The last four years of my mother-in-law's life we were pretty heavily involved, since my husband's only sibling, a brother, had passed away several years prior. With Dad, the burden falls more on my brother and sister in law who live on the family ranch. Dad is still in his own house there. He eats his main meal of the day with them, and they check in with him a lot.
DeleteBut it's hard when the roles get reversed, and you feel like you are parenting your parent.
Elder care depends on the elder. I often think of Sherwood Anderson and his theory of the "grotesques." In old age, people become like themselves, only more so.
DeleteI do not have elder care burdens any more except for an elderly uncle with no kids. His wife has a daughter by a previous marriage who takes care of them. But it is a handful for her that I don't want her to feel alone with.
Not sure exactly how to do that except to barge in and ask what I can do to help, though I am limited in what I can do.
Even a little help is appreciated.
DeleteMy relatives bailed me out by preparing the house for settlement while my charge was having a meltdown. I was totally busy with that but things finally quieted down. Parenting a parent, indeed, a very difficult form of parenting. And I was never a parent to begin with.
My dad made it easy. There were certain things that had to be done for him, and he accepted that help gracefully and with appreciation. My mother was master of the "automatic no." She refused help up front, criticized what you did, and became furtive about her activities.
DeleteI had several meltdowns with her after crises were over and out of sight of anyone else. You really can't go on unless you let that pressure off occasionally and lose it.
Yes. The "automatic no". Well put. Makes things orders of magnitude harder. I heard of a guy who wrote himself a letter and gave it to his kids to give him in HIS old age. It was to remind him not to give his kids the trouble his parents gave him. But I can just see when the time comes, his future ornery elderly self will say "I didn't write that". Or maybe not.
DeleteBe kind to yourself. "Parenting" my mother and parenting my kid, equally hard in different ways. You can never be prepared for either.
DeleteThe Holmes-Rahe chart reminded me of a friend who read Future Shock back in the day when we all did. One of its points was that some events cause stress, so we can't have too many in one year. A friend changed jobs, changed cities and bought a house. Then he told his girlfriend (really!) that they would have to wait a year to get married to avoid blasting through his stress level.
ReplyDeleteAging makes everything seem to take longer. Too many days are built around one trip to a doctor, either for my wife or myself. There ought to be more to a day than that. Personally, I did notice when I hit my 70s that my patience evaporated. I really hate waiting (not a condition for someone who spends a lot of time with doctors' appointments) because I know I don't have much time left and I'll never get the wait time back.
Do not underestimate the actual physical stress of having the amoral egotist tearing up government documents and separating families. My incoming Father's Day calls all quickly arrived at the stress he is putting on the not-retired generation as well.
Interesting observation about patience and dwindling time. I am very impatient with myself for cannot do. I think I need a list of things to do when a good day rolls around so I feel less guilty for coasting on the less good days.
DeleteOne of the greatest things that have ever happened to me did so at 5:00 pm, July 3, 2003. I stopped working. Minor inconveniences and health issues (pacemaker and broken hip) pale in the light of all of the advantages of having free time to do what I want, when I want and to travel with my hubby at least twice a year. I wouldn't go back to the work-a-day life for love nor money!!!! I'm 78 and realize that time is limited; all the more reason to double up and catch up.
ReplyDeleteJim, yeah, I'm finding out what a difference finding an extra 8.5 hours in the day makes! Going to have to be pretty careful how we spend money, but I can spend my time however I want, and that is a good feeling.
DeleteJim - I am so happy for you - every time I see you comment about retirement and your life these days, you just seem so joyful!
DeleteThe main reason for me not wanting to return to work is changes in the workplace environment. Management changed. The environment changed. Things are nastier. I think this is across the board in this country. I know hard working, competent nurses who are made to feel insecure and inadequate now that capitalists have bought up their institutions. They are being worn down.
DeleteStanley: right after I retired I had lunch with a couple of my former peers and they informed me that they (managers) all had been issued with Blackberries (it was LONG ago!) and were expected to be on call 24-7. I told them that I am sure that would have accidently flushed mine down the toilet within the first week of receipt.
DeleteJim P: thanks. Life gets better as time goes one, even though part of it involves a bit of slowing down. I know now the benefits of a short nap from time to time. Off to Wisconsin for my 60th high school class reunion at the end of July and then to Croatia to meet some of Greg's English-speaking relatives (his paternal grandmother was from there) for a couple of days before joining a small boat cruise through the Adriatic, ending in Naples. Then to Rome for 5 days to visit friends and see some familiar sights and sites. Yep, the time is good so long as the health and wealth hold out.
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