Lately a rash of celebrity suicides have been in the news; the latest being designer Kate Spade and television chef Anthony Bourdain. It's hard to wrap ones head around someone wanting to end their life at a time when everything seems to be going right for them. The best insight I have seen about it recently is from a Facebook blogger, Emily Zanotti Skyles:
In her words:
"The thing about depression -- at least suicidal depression -- is that
it's inextricably linked to something called, at least colloquially,
"imposter syndrome." That means that, no matter how good life gets for
me, because of how my brain works, I am always on the lookout for the
inevitable disaster, the one I know is coming, the moment when everyone
realizes I'm a fraud, my ultimate unmasking as a failure dressed up in
the clothes of a successful, confident, smart person.
When people
say "depression lies," this is what it lies about. There's a school of
thought in psychology that says, if you consider depression a canyon,
that people never commit suicide at the bottom of the canyon. They
commit suicide on the way back up. And that's what makes it so sad;
things are on the right trajectory but it's impossible to recognize, and
you'd rather end your life than see yourself back in the depths of that black hole."
Of course other things, such as marital problems or financial issues, can exacerbate the depression and lead to the tipping point. We don't know what finally drove them to it. But an inability to believe that one has intrinsic worth as a human being, regardless of achievements, or lack of them, seems like it has to play a part.
Yes, this is a feature of depression.
ReplyDeleteChildren of suicides tend to have a higher rate of suicide. Kurt Vonnegut said that was often the only thing that stopped his killing himself.
But I don't think there's any one explanation for suicide. It may be one of those things that takes several factors to come together. Some groups have a higher suicide rate than others, and often they're people who have some "shameful" secret that they feel they can tell no one.
What should be sobering is the fact that suicide among the middle aged and elderly is on the rise. There is a tendency to see suicide as the impulsive act of young people. My guess is that suicidal thoughts perk for many years in older people, and that their escape plans are thought out carefully over a period of years.
I'm pretty sure that those of us who don't harbor suicidal thoughts find it almost impossible to really empathize with those who do. I guess that's how we miss the warning signs.
ReplyDeleteI think that's true. "Normal" people often find would-be suicides and depressives repellent. Depressives know this, and that's why they hide it.
DeleteI have bouts of depression. I really think that, around the parish, people find me approachable because they've heard me preach. They've been given an opportunity to be exposed to extended monologues from me, and in a sense have gotten to know parts of me. I think it's hard to get to that basis these days with people. They probably know me a lot better than I know them.
DeleteTo add one more thought: before I became a deacon, I led a choir ensemble at one of the parish masses, and played the piano. Any parishioners who took note of my existence in those days, noted my piano work. Some of them told me that they admired my playing. If I may be so bold to describe that very local and modest music-making as artistry, I would say that that's how it goes with artistry: people experience your art, and then tell you that they like it (or, I suppose, that they dislike it; that doesn't happen very often with church music if the musician is minimally competent, but maybe it happens more with visual arts).
DeleteThose expressions of admiration are very affirming, and even ego-stroking; and I suppose there is a sense in which a person's art provides a window into their soul; but admiration are not the same as loving and supporting the person themselves. Profoundly depressed and perfectly miserable people can produce art that people admire; Bourdain and Spade certainly aren't the first suicides by creative types.
But here is another aspect of this: for me, music-making is one of the activities that keeps me from curling up into a little depressive ball. It's pretty critical for my balance and sense of well-being. (Another is physical activity.) So I think part of what makes people scratch their heads over suicides like Bourdain's and Spade's is that they had that creative aspect of their lives seemingly firing on all cylinders, yet it wasn't enough for them.
I am sorry to hear it you have depressed episodes, Jim. I suppose we are legion. My mother suffered from severe depression at times. When my dad saw me falling into something similar when as a young teenager, he told me to pretend I was someone else until it passed. This advice actually worked because there was always someone to pretend TO. And getting positive feedback from people while in my "pretend" state actually helped improve mood.
DeleteI find that in retirement, there are large swaths of time in which you are alone with yourself, so pretending works less well. I do, however, know that it will pass.
Exercise, reading, and having several projects seem to help--knitting for days I can't concentrate and writing on days when I can.
I tried several classes of medication for depression, and they did nothing or made matters worse.
I wouldn't say this is typical for everyone. I think that, as there are different types of cancers that are really not the same disease at all, there are probably many types of depression.
Anything I say on this subject would have to come from a deep well of ignorance. I did, however, just receive a blog from NPR's ombudsman, Elizabeth Jensen, in which she says, inter alia:
ReplyDelete"Guidelines for reporting on suicides, drawn from the latest scientific research, are consistent in saying that journalists should steer away from reporting the method used."
I am not so sure that a science can be made from after-the-fact suicide studies, but let that go. It just seems to me that the method used, minus gruesome description, is pertinent to the story. I don't see how learning that someone hanged himself or shot herself can come as a compulsive revelation to someone considering suicide. I mean, doesn't everybody know a lot of the ways? But maybe I am crazy.
You can read Jensen for yourself here:
https://www.npr.org/sections/ombudsman/2018/06/08/618310036/nprs-policy-on-suicide-reporting-is-to-be-judicious-with-details?utm_source=npr_newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_content=20180611&utm_campaign=ombudsman&utm_term=nprnews
I do have to churlishly add that before their untimely deaths I had never heard of either of the latest two celebrity newsmakers.
Tom, I agree that they weren't A-listers. I had never heard of the fashion designer, either. I had heard of Bourdain, because I watch a few foodie shows - a few of the ones that appear on PBS, and we've been watching "Top Chef" on Bravo for quite a while. (I've never cared for the Food Channel, though.) I think Bourdain has appeared on Top Chef.
DeleteHad heard of both, but not much else. What struck me about Spade and then Bourdain was that both seemed to have work lives that were engrossing and even fulfilling in their own way. I am not a pocketbook fancier (Spade), nor a foodie follower (Bourdain), but I love working at things...mostly writing and arguing...and I think that that may be among the greatest gifts anyone receives...along with fun spouses, funny children, and witty friends.
DeleteDidn't know them, but very sorry they gave up and left our world.
Felt much the same way about a story in the NYTimes a few weeks ago about a young man at Hamilton College who was in a state of despair. The college knew, but his parents didn't. If only they had known and gone to talk/love him back from the brink. Sorry for him and very sorry for them.
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/05/12/us/college-student-suicide-hamilton.html
Yes, the method seems to be part of the 5Ws plus how. I think the "why" is the lead element in these stories, though, and the ones that dwell on the "how" are usually tabloid fare.
DeleteBourdain I knew through the promotions on CNN but I never watched his shows. I like to eat but I don't get too epicurean about it, beyond considering Käsespätzle a step beyond macaroni and cheese which I love, too. As for Ms. Spade, I had heard her name in a Jeopardy question only a couple days before she killed herself. Anyway, what they did was a shame. They had children, too. I've been depressed and even took medicine. But I don't get causing pain to others. Maybe I wasn't depressed enough.
DeleteOn CNN, Bourdain was as much a travel writer as a food writer. Many times the food portion of his shows was tertiary to the sights and sounds of the many off-beat places that he visited. He had alcohol and drug problems most of his life and undoubtedly those weighted heavily on his decision to end it all. I won't begin to judge what caused him to do what he did, when he did it. There but for the grace of God go most if not all of us.
Deletehttps://www.sfchronicle.com/travel/article/The-7-lessons-Anthony-Bourdain-taught-us-about-12985717.php
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