So many priests and bishops live lives that are so different than the lives of lay Catholics that they are often completely tone deaf. Hence the distorted théologies about contraception, marriage, and women. So they come up with rules surrounding the most important events of people’s lives that drive people out the doors. They did it with marriage prep, and marriages in the church are at historic lows. . Now it’s not weddings, but funerals. Infant/ child baptism rules are also extremely burdensome from based on what I was told about the requirements for the two grandchildren who are baptized Catholics. More reasons among dozens to allow married priests and ordain women priests. They understand real life better than these cold- hearted celibates.
I have never been to a Catholic funeral Mass where there was a eulogy, so I'm not sure how that was ever allowed and now has to be stopped.
ReplyDeleteLast two Catholic funerals I attended, there was an hour for visitation before the funeral Mass. I'm not sure why that would be a problem, unless the rites for the dead are seen as starting at the moment the body arrives at the church and visitation therefore breaks up the proper "flow" from reception of the body thru the Mass.
The rites for the dead can begin as early as the death bed. The book for all this contains many options. This bishop is trying to limit those options.
DeleteThe book envisions the visitation as taking place on a different day than the funeral. It is called a vigil and can be either a service of readings or a part of the liturgy of the Hours. The book discourages doing a service of readings followed by a Mass (just simply too long of a service with too many readings).
This bishop is limiting options that sometimes might be useful. Doing Covid, the visitation was often done right before the Funeral Mass with only immediate family and friends coming to both. That started a custom. Often elderly people have few friends and neighbors left so it is just easier to accommodate them right before the funeral Mass rather than going to a funeral home.
The Funeral Ritual book envisions a Vigil (aka wake) followed by Mass followed by internment but recognizes that not all these are necessary nor need they occur in that order. You do not have to have to have a wake, not a funeral mass, you can simply have an interment.
When we had Betty's daughter's funeral, the remains were cremated in Montana and shipped to our house. On a Friday evening, we celebrated the "vigil" on our patio with Evening Prayer for the Dead, on Saturday morning we held the internment in the cemetery preceded by Morning Prayer for the Dead. This was all helped because the Deacon who presided was a high school teacher who became very close to the daughter because she had cancer which she overcame.
Of course, it was also helped by the fact that Betty (a cantor) and I have much liturgical experience. Both services were done to recorded music on my ipad. We made up a beautiful service booklet at Staples. Her daughter did not want any public services or obituary, etc. but did encourage her friends to gather in their homes or in a bar. Given the small number of people who came to the service and the fact that her daughter was spiritual but not religious we omitted a Mass. Of course, if Betty ends up with a support group of Catholics in one of our parishes, it is not out of the question that a Funeral Mass could be held sometime in the future. It does not have to occur before internment, and the person does not have to be a practicing Catholic to have a Mass.
The Funeral Ritual Book is really great with many options. Jim talked about it in a recent post. I just loved being able to pick and choose using our creativity.
The reality is the funerals are now very much under the control of the family working either with a funeral director (we had none), or with pastoral staff. The burial was in a Catholic cemetery belonging to Betty's former parish. Plan your funeral and those of your loved ones in advance when you can negotiate things. Don't let yourself be at the mercy of pastoral staff who likely to give you what they can easily do.
Of course, cremation helps very much in giving time to do things, even in the case of sudden deaths like Betty's daughter..
I guess we did have a funeral director who did the cremation in Montana, but no one here.
DeleteWe are involved in a fair number of funerals, either because of ministry or it was someone we were close to. Been to two in the last two weeks. The priests and deacons are used to working with the families, as well as the two funeral homes in town. Even though some of them are "cold celibates" I feel that they do a pretty good job with the corporal work of mercy of burying the dead.
ReplyDeleteThe deacons do most of the vigil services. Most of the time they do a rosary, or Divine Mercy chaplet, or a liturgy of the Word. The family's choice. There are always Scripture readings, the order of service is in the book, Order of Christian Funerals. They don't have to do a vigil, and it can be either in the funeral home or the church. Jean is correct that the eulogy usually isn't given at the funeral Mass. But they can have it at the vigil, and there is time when people can get up and say a few words.
If the family wants it, people can greet them before or after the vigil, they can schedule visitation at the funeral home, and people can extend their sympathies before the funeral Mass.
A lot of times the deacons and priests didn't know the deceased or the families. But they meet with them and talk with them. Our Nigerian priest did the funeral where we sang the Polish hymn this week, and he had a very nice homily.
I don't know what prompted Bishop Proprocki to issue the directives, they already existed, but in most places they don't make funerals the hill to die on. The church actually does want people to have Catholic funerals, it doesn't make sense to make it difficult for them.
Just to be clear, the "cold celibates" comment was facetious. I don't actually think being celibate makes you cold.
DeleteI think there is a very important place for something like a eulogy, at either the Vigil and/or the Funeral Mass. People now a days live rich lives doing many things in many places. The participants often know only a portion of the deceased life and don't know many of the people who are at these services. Part of the function of visitation should be to allow people to experience this richness, especially the goodness of each human life. It can be overdone. We want to avoid painting an overly rosy picture of human life. We should mention the struggles as well. If the pastoral staff don't like this, simply don't invite them. You can do a service, even the Hours without them!
ReplyDeleteA lot of times people have the obituary? eulogy? printed on the back of the leaflet they hand out at funerals. I don't really know if there is a significant difference between an obituary and a eulogy except a eulogy is longer.
DeleteMost obituaries I’ve read are in the newspaper or online at the funeral home. Some are barebones - name, dates, names of spouses, children, grandchildren etc. Others summarize every thing - schools from kindergarten on, jobs, groups they belonged to, activities etc. The eulogies are more personal, generally given by a family member or close friend and convey a sense of the person — their passions, their sense of humor, or sense of adventure , their love of fishing or photography or a sport, their foibles. Obituaries are dry and factual usually. The eulogies are testimonies of love.
DeleteAt Catholic funerals I’ve been to the eulogy isn’t called a eulogy. It occurs after mass is finished to get around the rules and is announced as “Family member or friend would like to share their thoughts on the ( name of the deceased” . Then there is a reception of some kind. Sometimes cookies and lunch ain the church hall, or a gathering in the home of the family or even in a restaurant.
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ReplyDeleteFuneral masses always seem a bit sterile to me, but they're dignified and sobering. It's probably salubrious for the living to confront the inevitability of death for 90 mines once in awhile.
ReplyDeleteProtestant ministers often shoot for a eulogy/sermon combo, where they select a Bible verse that segues into their saying nice things about the deceased.
That's usually fine, but when the dead person was not a churchgoer, the minister often tries to assert that Uncle Bob was faithful "in his own way" to specific Christian principles ("he'd give you the shirt off his back as long as it didn't have his Detroit Tigers tickets in it") or that he was most likely to praise God at his favorite trout stream, "especially if the fish were biting."
The effort to give the deceased some spiritual impulse that puts him in the clear of hellfire sometimes seems a bit strained in such cases. A Catholic priest doesn't have to play that kind of jokey game.
I notice in local obits that it's not uncommon for unbelievers to forego services altogether or to have a "celebration of life," which amounts to a farewell party.
There's also a growing trend for the terminally ill to have "living funerals" to say goodbye to their friends and family. Hard to fathom that invite: "Come and show me how sad you'll be when I die! There'll be cake!"
"I notice in local obits that it's not uncommon for unbelievers to forego services altogether "
DeleteI've noticed that, too. Another variation (which the Catholic liturgical book accommodates) is to have the funeral service right at the funeral home rather than in a church. Have presided at those a few times.
Eulogies during the funeral mass, usually by children of the deceased, are pretty common and popular around here. I agree that they serve an important pastoral need. I think the church needs to rethink its opposition.
ReplyDeleteI see in the article that Bishop Paprocki references inappropriate things being said during the liturgy by family members. Maybe it "feels" like a wedding reception toast to some people.
The scheduling for convenience can be a kindness. Families often don't live in proximity to one another anymore. It can be really difficult to get the children together for Mom's or Dad's funeral.
I guess I'd err on the side of pastoral accommodation.
From her experience with her sisters, her mother and father’s funerals and my dad’s mother and father's funerals, my mother developed some very strong views about funerals which were written down as instructions for her funeral and my dad’s funeral.
ReplyDeleteNO PUBLIC VISITATION. Only one evening for the family the night before the funeral was allowed. Anyone could come to the funeral Mass but there would be no viewing before the Mass.
NO PARTY AFTER THE FUNERAL. She particularly despised the boozing that occurred on those occasions. No one was to be allowed in our home to “clean house” and prepare a meal. She despised those as occasions for gossip. Mom always kept her distance from the parish woman’s organization their bingo’s etc. as occasions for gossip.
Mom did not have anything to say about the liturgy; I guess she assumed I would work that out with the priest.
For her funeral which was unexpected, I chose some readings from the lectionary and recorded music on a boom box. The very conservative priest who did not know me was initially resistant, thinking that I might be proposing non liturgical readings, but when he saw what I was up to, he agreed with everything, even the recorded music. The parish did not have any musicians to cover funerals. He agreed that recorded music was better than no music.
For my father’s funeral I had a whole month to prepare the recorded music and a service booklet. However, a new priest vetoed it all because he had musicians.
I had already decided to do all the whole service as a vigil service at the family gathering the night before. The service booklet included a litany at preparation that I had composed. It is essentially a thanksgiving for our family’s life, something like a Eucharistic Prayer without the words of institution.
I let the priest do whatever he wanted at the funeral; I don’t even remember what they did. Essentially, I got to bury my father with the service that I had written.
I regard clericalism as the greatest evil in the Church, the unwillingness of the clergy to treat all of us as equals and to listen to our voices and decide with us (not for us) how things are done. I think clericalism infects all the clergy and most of the laity. Very few lay people are confident enough to challenge clericalism. Most think that they must be wrong, either ignorant or immoral. I feel very sorry for the experiences of clericalism by so many people like Anne and Jean.
I am very thankful for all the books that I have read, and the many good lay people who have assisted in my spiritual formation as well as the very rare priest and woman religious who have validated that formation.
While I am very grateful for the many beautiful liturgies that I experienced in the years before the pandemic, I am also thankful that the pandemic and our declining health have freed me from having to deal with all the mediocrity of parish life. I am especially grateful that our home has become the center of our liturgical life.
I used the Unitarian order of service for my folks (my mother was not up to services for my dad and told me to have a joint service for them both when she died). Unitarian families often do the service themselves, so I did not have to chase down clergy. No music cuz that just gets people worked up.
DeleteI had just started the oral chemo when Mom died. She was cremated, and my brother needed a couple weeks to get his business closed up in order to come to Michigan. So I had time to plan the service and reception, see the lawyer, get a written inventory of assets and estate plan ready to review with my brother, got Mom's cat settled in at our house, and lay in packing boxes for my brother to take away keepsakes. It was still pretty hectic, even for a hyper-organized control freak like me.
About a month later, I mentally shut down and went to bed for a couple days, ate soup, said my rosary, read prayers from BCP, petted the cat, which helped put me back on my feet. Took us a year to finally close the estate.
I joke with friends who've been through similar that if you want to punish your worst enemy, give him your medical power of attorney and make him executor of your estate. They know what I'm talking about.
I think the desire for eulogies at funeral services must be understood in light of people's experiences with funeral homilies given by clergy. It must be understood that the congregation at a typical funeral does not consist of frequent mass-goers and active Catholics. There may be some of those; but they are supplemented - perhaps greatly outnumbered - by people who are only casually or weakly attached to the church, or who are from another faith tradition, or who simply aren't religious at all. What connects them at that place and time isn't primarily their Catholic faith, but that the deceased had touched their lives in some way. So naturally, when they gather for this occasion, they hunger for some perspective and wisdom for what the deceased's life meant - what was the meaning and significance of that person's life.
ReplyDeleteThe one person in the church building who may not be able to talk knowledgeably about the deceased's life and its significance is the priest or deacon leading the service, for the simple reason that the clergyman never knew her while she was alive. It's simply not possible, even for a full-time pastor, to know everyone, or even to recognize the name of everyone.
Consequently, many clergy have some pretty generic homily material for funerals. They may be able to offer wisdom from the faith tradition - although some may fail even of that - but they can't really connect it with the specifics of the deceased's life history and circumstances, at least not with any depth or sincerity.
The people who can speak knowledgeably and from the heart about the deceased are the eulogists: the children or parents or siblings or spouse of the deceased. To be sure, they may not be well-versed in the faith of the church. But the clergyman should be.
This is why I think there is some wisdom in letting eulogies supplement homilies.
My goddaughter’s funeral mass had a eulogy by her three sons. A friend’s wife recently died and was eulogized at mass by her grandchildren. All well done and appropriate and loving. Love belongs in Church.
ReplyDeleteBishop Paprocki's edict might have made more sense if he'd explained what a funeral is for.
ReplyDeleteIstm, to reduce it to bare bones, that Catholics have funerals to pray for the cessation of suffering of the soul in Purgatory. Protestants have funerals to remind mourners that the wages of sin is death and hellfire unless we repent.
Saying nice things or telling funny stories about the dead might be seen, in either case, to detract from the purpose.
*"Istm, to reduce it to bare bones, that Catholics have funerals to pray for the cessation of suffering of the soul in Purgatory"
ReplyDeleteThat was the pre-Vatican notion. All the extensive visitation was accompanied by "Mass offerings," donations for Masses to be said in the future. In my youth it was $1 for a low Mass and $5 for a sung Mass.
While we always thought that the saints, mostly clerics and religious, went straight to heaven, the lower-class laity were thought to need some further time to become worthy of that reward. However, with the affirmation of the universal call to holiness on the part of all Christians at Vatican II, the notion has shifted to now most Catholics and most mainline Protestants believe most people go straight to heaven. However, Evangelicals express much doubt that Catholics and other Protestants go straight to heaven. So that is why we now have celebrations of life, a kind of graduation party.
A more scripturally sound interpretation of Christian life and death is that only God is the judge of the living and the dead. Traditionally canonization was reserved for deceased whose status was affirmed by time, miracles, and the veneration of the faithful over time. Quicky canonizations were discouraged. In regard to our deaths, both fear and self-rightness should be avoided. In the classical Catholic formulation, we should pray as if everything depended on God and work as if everything depended on ourselves.
So what is the point of a funeral if it's not to pray the soul out of Purgatory?
DeleteThat's certainly why Raber wants a funeral Mass.
I don't know that most Catholics believe souls go straight to heaven. I don't. What has changed is the belief about what purgatory is. Not a punishment, but remedial education.
DeletePersonally would find marching straight into the Beatific Vision pretty overwhelming and intimidating.
Years ago before the Repubs gelded it, PBS televised a play called “Steambath” which was about Purgatory in a style to which Katherine refers. Eventually, the Puerto Rican steambath attendant turns out to be God. Comedic but also serious. For some strange reason, I also remember Valerie Perrine was in it.
DeleteI saw that. And I know why you remember Valerie Perrine.
DeleteI missed out on "Steambath", I didn't know about it. It sounds interesting. I looked it up on Wiki, and they made it into a tv series. Only six episodes, so it wasn't on very long. I'll have to look and see if I can find it.
Delete"So what is the point of a funeral if it's not to pray the soul out of Purgatory?"
DeleteHere is the church's official answer - and I think it's a pretty good one. This is taken from the General Introduction to the Order of Christian Funerals. I'm going to take the liberty here of ignoring the paragraph markers and breaking this passage into separate bullets. This is from nos. 6-7:
"* The Church through its funeral rites commends the dead to God's merciful love and pleads for the forgiveness of their sins.
"* At the funeral rites, especially at the celebration of the eucharistic sacrifice, the Christian community affirms and expresses the union of the Church on earth with the Church in heaven in the one great communion of saints. Though separated from the living, the dead are still at one with the community of believers on earth and benefit from their prayers and intercession.
"* At the rite of commendation and farewell, the community acknowledges the reality of separation and commends the deceased to God. In this way it recognizes the spiritual bond that still exists between the living and the dead and proclaims its belief that all the faithful will be raised up and reunited in the new heavens and a new earth, where death will be no more.
"* The celebration of the Christian funeral brings hope and consolation to the living.
"* While proclaiming the Gospel of Jesus Christ and witnessing to Christian hope in the resurrection, the funeral rites also recall to all who take part in them God's mercy and judgment and meet the human need to turn always in times of crisis."
Thanks Jim, I especially appreciate the second bullet point about the Communion of Saints.
DeleteSo I am correct, basically:
DeleteWhat the funeral Mass actually *does* is plead for the forgiveness of the deceased's sins. This is not a part of Protestant funerals. There's no forgiveness after death. If God shows mercy, it occurs before death.
The other bullet points simply underscore Church teaching about death and the Hereafter, which may offer hope, consolation, and cautions to those assembled for the Mass, but that is not its primary purpose.
Bishop Paprocki, in my view, is not adding any additional hardships on people thru months-long programs like Pre-Cana or RCIA, which Anne seems to suggest. He's simply telling people they may not meddle with order and content of the funeral Mass.
I find it helpful to understand so that I can understand Raber's insistence on a funeral Mass, and what he hopes to get out of it.
Jean, my view is that the Bishop is denying those who loved the deceased the most the chance to express their love for the deceased, explaining to a congregation of friends and family a bit about why the deceased was so loved, and to express their own grief at the loss. Why he objects to this even after mass has ended is beyond me. Maybe he’s just plain mean.
DeleteFrom what Jack says, that is the.church’s attitude has changed since VII. and is more human in its views, not the cold, unfeeling stance of Bishop P who is apparently one of those Spock like people who is uncomfortable witnessing open expressions of emotion, especially tears. I never said it was a burden like marriage or baptism prep, imposing weeks of meetings and even some kind of encounter weekend for engaged couples on helpless folk who just want to get married in the church and get the baby baptized. They are truly a burden and I know of more than one couple who threw in the towel and married elsewhere— not in the RCC. This bishop is not imposing that kind of burden but he’s denying the bereaved part of the mourning ritual that is important. Frankly, I think the ritual Jack and Betty designed for her daughter is far more meaningful than any funeral liturgy I’ve been to in my life.
It never occurred to me either that the purpose of the funeral is to pray that God will forgive sins and spring the deceased from purgatory. I always considered a funeral as an occasion to say farewell and to mourn the loss. I think God doesn’t need human beings begging him/ her to forgive someone’s sins. That’s a given if you believe that God is love and not a prison warden.
Apologies, when you said imposing burdens like Baptism etc., I thought you meant prep requirements.
DeleteI think those bullets I posted indicate that the funeral is both to pray for the deceased and ro offer consolation to the living. (And other purposes besides.) It is a rich, multi-faceted ritual.
DeletePersonally, I think a good eulogy can contribute to the consolation.
"This is not a part of Protestant funerals. There's no forgiveness after death. If God shows mercy, it occurs before death."
DeleteThat is pretty interesting. I didn't realize this is a point of division between the Catholic Church and (some?) Protestant denominations.
I asked my research assistant pal Gemini to explain the differences in the two sets of beliefs. Much of it comes down to dueling bible verses. There is a passage in 2 Maccabees that is pretty key for the Catholic understanding; but this book is one of the Deuterocanonical texts (as Catholics call them) or Apocrypha (as Protestants call them) that is not in Protestant bibles.
DeleteEpiscopal confirmation class explained no Purgatory, no need for prayers to get you out. Your destination to Heaven or Hell is determined by the state of your soul at time of death. Always been a fan of Purgatory, so that was almost a deal breaker for me. Priest used the parable of the workers in the vineyard to explain why there was no Purgatory; God's mercy extends to those who repent with their dying breath as much as to saints who lived their whole lives in service to God. But it was permissible to believe that footdraggers might not get the good seats.
DeleteJim—“ Personally, I think a good eulogy can contribute to the consolation.”. I agree.
DeleteConsolation for whom? I wonder how many people agitating for eulogies have had to write one for a family member.
DeleteAfter my mom's death, there were a ton of distractions and arrangements. I couldn't write the eulogy, which is the centerpiece of the Unitarian service. My brother took a hard pass. So Raber did it, good job, no fumbling, no crying, no going off-script.
My cousins tried to do a eulogy for Uncle Dick and broke down bawling. The minister had to finish reading it for them. My brother-in-law's wife was exhausted by the long ordeal of his death and was rambling and sobbing until the minister and her son put a stop to it.
Sometimes there's "sharing time" in lieu of a eulogy that usually falls flat unless the family or minister taps three people ahead of time to get the ball rolling. Went to one where some rather bitter comments were made about the deceased's ex-husband who was sitting with their kids.
I haven’t been to many funerals considering how old I am. My late sister was an estate/elder law attorney and she made the arrangements for our parents and my brother. My mother pre- planned her funeral by pre- paying the funeral home. She picked out her casket. Although she was in LA in 1910 and lived in California her whole life she wanted to be buried in the family plot of a Catholic Church in Corning NY. She called the church to check to see if there was room, there was, and left the information about the contact there with her pre- paid funeral home information on her dining table in her condo. She emptied most of her drawers and shelves and closet.She tagged a few items of purely sentimental value with the names of those she wanted to have them, with a short note about why. Someone (probably my sister) contacted her parish and arranged for a mass and also contacted a local Olive Garden to arrange a luncheon. The mass was well attended. Then someone ( probably the same sister) arranged to transport the casket from LA with our brother on the plane. They were met by a hearse who took him and my mother’s casket to the church where the rest of us met them. I think a priest said a few prayers at the graveside, I don’t really remember. When my father died someone arranged a mass at the local parish. Ir was attended by his ex-wife ( my mom) and five children, some with spouses, No grandkids there. A couple who had lived next door to him for several years went to the mass. No music. . He was born in LA in 1909 but didn’t make many lifelong friends. I think one if my brothers or sisters gave a eulogy for my mom, but don’t remember. No eulogy for my dad who was not remembered fondly by his children. Best to say nothing. I have never had to arrange a funeral. When my mom died suddenly of a brain aneurysm, I flew to Calif after the funeral to clear her condo. Thanks to her prep work it was an easy task. I packed up a few non- designated objects of sentimental value and shipped them east for a famikt round robin session for the five of us to choose items to keep. It worked beautifully. The three daughters owned her condo with our husbands and I worked with a real estate agent to sell it. We split the capital gain three ways. She had minimal financial assets and our lawyer sister handled the estate paperwork for the state of California.
DeleteI think I will. Ow get back to cleaning out our junk for 53 years. So that our kids do t just throw it in a heap and burn it because it’s overwhelming. My husband and I have begun talking about death arrangements - cremation v burial etc. If we live here at the time we will both be buried in green burials at the Trappist monastery in Virginia across the river. I will buy the plots in the woods ahead of time and arrange for the natural stone markers, Only natural stones are allowed limited engraving of only name and dates of birth and death. If we are somewhere else, we will figure it out after we move. .We will probably ask an Episcopal priest for graveside prayers or maybe a monk. One vocalist for a couple of hymns. I don’t know if the monks do graveside prayers. They don’t allow the use of their chapel for a funeral mass.
I've been to way more funerals than weddings and baptisms. They are something you just have to get through, and, imo, the fewer emotional triggers and the better.
DeleteI get that people need to cry and grieve, but in my family and in this part of the country, people try hard not to "give way" in public spaces. And often those emotional outpourings hit you at weird times and not on cue during a funeral.
Immediate family should have to do nothing but sit in the pew. If they've looked after the deceased and made arrangements and are facing disposition of an estate, their energy for anything else is shot.
Only time I became verklempt after Dad died was when one of my coworkers showed up at my door with a giant tray of homemade lasagna in an aluminum baking pan that didn't have to be washed and returned. It was such an unexpected kindness. Fed my whole damn extended family. I try to conjure that moment when I feel the world is unfair and people just suck.
I have cried at funerals but of friends, not family, . I cried when I learned my mom had died ( a phone call). It was so sudden. She had been east and gone back to Calif a few days before her death, so we all saw her a week before she died, at a family wedding. I’m not a stiff upper lip type. I’m very emotional and sentimental, and I wear my emotions on my sleeve. I don’t think it’s shameful to do so, as my descended from Puritans mother in law did. One of the many things about me that she disapproved of, including that I was Catholic. And from California!
DeleteI mostly deflect grief and fear with black humor. A few people get it. Most not. Whatever. It never stopped anybody from calling me to help them in a crisis.
DeleteI was by my father’s bedside when he died in 1968 and my mother’s in 2020. That’s when I cried. Afterwards, no. My nature, I guess. I am not depressed about it now but life is certainly not the same. Regarding eulogies, I delivered a eulogy at my friend Charlie Seitz’ funeral. Charlie was definitely not a believer and his brother asked me to deliver a eulogy. Charlie was a character so composing a eulogy was not a problem.
DeleteThat's a wonderful thing to do for a friend. Families need to know that their departed were loved and esteemed. After my mom died, her friend Ginger sent me a letter telling about how funny and warm my mom was. I really appreciated seeing that side of Mom, which wasn't always apparent to us.
DeleteI went to a work friend’s funeral in the first decade of this century. He was a big, gruff guy who worked in a local industry but came late to the government. Another character, not an engineer, he worked in procurement. Without his help and dedication, we never would have gotten the Opticam program in motion, which upgraded US optics manufacturing capability in the face of Asian competition. Not a eulogy but when attendees were invited to say something, I rose and explained concisely what Bob did and how indispensable he was, the right man in the right place at the right time. My present speculation about the Chinese is that its government has a lot of people like me and Bob, trying to do good for their country. This all hapoened in the 1990’s. By that time, I was doubting the need for a huge military but felt good with a “dual use” program that helped US industry’s commercial capability. Well, I tried. I think the US optics industry is surviving but with the formidable advance of China combined with the indifference of powerful capitalists to what happens to the American people, I……. Time for a gin and tonic.
DeleteThere is some physical symbolism with the funeral Mass which I find : "Santsmeaningful. Usually at the start the celebrant and family gather in the back of the church. He says some prayers, and the family members place the pall over the casket, which is closed by now. The pall is white, symbolizing the Baptismal garment. What it made me think of with my mom's funeral was that she covered us up as children when we were sleeping, and now we were doing the same for her. Then they start the entrance song and process to the front. They don't do this bit if it is a cremation, the urn is already up front, and they just process in.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if they do it in other parishes, but here the priest incenses the gifts and the altar before the offertory, and then passes the censer to the deacon, who motions the congregation to stand, and he incenses them, and then bows toward them., and passes the censer back to one of the servers.
The part that always gets me to tear up because it does really seem like goodbye is at the end when the priest says the prayer Song of Farewell: "Saints of God, come to his/her aid, angels of the Lord, come out to greet him/her. Receive her soul and present her to God...."
Choir or the soloist sings that part too. We had a discussion last time over whether we would sing the David Haas version, or the one to the tune of Old Hundreth. Some members thought it wasn't fair we couldn't sing the David Haas one anymore. And no one actually told us we couldn't, but it's not in the music edition now. But the discussion about whether to discontinue songs because things came to light about the composer is for another time.
"Santsmeaningful" should just read meaningful.
DeleteI meant to add that the priest is incensing the casket or urn during the Song of Fairwell.
DeleteI am remembering that my dad always washed the car before he went to a funeral. Apparently it was bad form to drive to the cemetery with a dirty car.
DeleteFor me, the strongest evidence in this discussion about the meaning of funerals comes from the Eucharistic Prayers of the Roman Rite. They are centered on the communion of saints. We always have a commemoration of the living and a commemoration of the dead in the context of named saints whom have gone before us. We don't just pray for people in general whether living or dead, we pray for specific people whom we name.
ReplyDeleteAt the parish in Boston with whom we celebrate the liturgy on Sundays they spend a lot of time naming people. Their prayers for the living are contained in the offertory prayers, where they only say a brief prayer for all those who have died especially those who will mentioned in the Canon. The commemoration of the dead in the Canon is a long list said very personally especially by the pastor. Grief is also a frequent theme of his homilies. It is obvious that he grieves for his legal parents (he was taken in as an orphan) and for many people whom he has encountered. Deaths in this parish are not simply personal or family matters, they receive the attention of the whole parish at Sunday liturgy.
Jack —“ We always have a commemoration of the living and a commemoration of the dead in the context of named saints whom have gone before us. We don't just pray for people in general whether living or dead, we pray for specific people whom we name.”
DeleteIn the commemoration, what exactly are we praying for? Are we naming them because it’s simply a way of focusing on specific people— to remember them? Are we praying to them? Are we praying for them?
Not sure if this is germane to your points, Jack, but if someone important in the local parish dies, they are mentioned during the Mass.
DeleteMost of the deceased go in the bulletin's list of parishioners who have died recently. Raber brings home the bulletin so we can pray for them by name during the week.
I think that Catholicism conveys a strong connection between those living on this earth and the ever-living Saints who pray for us in Heaven, but I don't see this reflected so much in the liturgy or the Eucharist. The connection seems more peripheral, thru statues, icons, and stained glass images of the saints within the church; through votive in front of icons; through feast days of the church's patron saints; and thru occasional mentions of the parish's "favorite" saints (locally, that's Ss Faustina, Blaise, and Joseph).
In the local parish--and maybe this is a trend in American churches--the All Souls Mass, which calls out and commemorates everyone in the parish who has died that year, is increasingly well-attended. Families of the dead do attend.
Protestant churches offer a prayer service around Christmastime for those grieving a loss and overwhelmed by the holiday. I've been to the one the Methodists host. There is a lot of silence and contemplation, no holiday decorations or music, just prayers for healing. I don't see Catholic churches here doing this, but they might elsewhere.
Eucharistic Prayer I, the most ancient prays for the living:
Delete"Remember Lord, your servants N and N and all gathered here whose faith and devotion are known to you. For them we offer you this sacrifice of praise, or they offer it for themselves and all who are dear to them for the redemption of their souls, in hope of health and weal being, and paying their homage to you the Eternal God, living and true."
The commemoration of the dead
"Remember also Lord, your servants N and N who have gone before us with the sign of faith and rest in the sleep of peace. Grant them, O Lord, we pray and all who sleep in Christ, a place of refreshment, light and peace"
The ancient prayer (Requiem aeternam) for the Dead was:
"Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord and let perpetual light shine upon them. May their souls and all the souls of the faithful departed rest in peace."
While these prayers could be thought of in terms of purgatory they took shape when many non-Christians believed in a rather shadow, ghost like existence after death. Hence the Christian emphasis upon rest and peace rather than restlessness, and light rather than darkness. The beatific vision of heaven is consistent with the notions of peace, and light as well as a time positive growth and purification. But hardly the purgatory of suffering envisioned by some.
Jean,
DeleteAt the All Souls Day Mass, local parishes around here give out a candle to each of the families who have lost someone during past year, they also have a shrine with pictures of loved ones that stays up during the month of November.
There is a weekly program for the recently bereaved that lasts through the holidays. 'There is a separate program around the holidays for those who are still grieving. As well as a late winter program. So, there are a lot of opportunities for companionship in dealing with grief.
I don't think the parishes do as good a job in posting deaths, funeral services, etc. You have to be a rather close reader of the weekly bulletin to keep up on that.
Videos of funeral Masses are rather spotty, perhaps it is up to the family if that is done. I have sometimes learned of the death of a parish member whom I knew by discovering their video on the parish YouTube site.
Funerals at my parish also vary widely. There is a funeral choir which I think has a limited repertory from which the family can pick. On the other hand, if you are a choir or former choir member, or family member of a choir member, you usually get an extensive send off with preludes etc. The choir is really a very close group that prays for one other, and their families.
This discussion is fuzzy to me. Early on it included a mention that the purpose of the funeral mass was to pray that God will forgive the sins of the deceased, with the implication that the soul of the deceased is presumed to be “ in purgatory “ and that prayers might convince God to spring the soul out of purgatory sooner than the original sentence. I never understood that this is the purpose of the funeral liturgy.
DeleteI thought the funeral liturgy was primarily for the benefit of the family of the deceased, a form of consolation by bringing together families and friends to commemorate the deceased.. Jack brought up commemoration. According to google “A commemoration is an act, ceremony, or object that honors the memory of a person or a past event”. Nothing about praying for a soul in purgatory so that their sins are forgiven.
I suppose it depends on how one thinks of purgatory. I think of it as education, learning experience, rather than punishment. I don't think we are trying to talk God into "commuting a sentence". Their sins are already forgiven. But they may be clinging on to things that they haven't let go of.
DeleteI liked what Jack said above:
"While these prayers could be thought of in terms of purgatory they took shape when many non-Christians believed in a rather shadow, ghost like existence after death. Hence the Christian emphasis upon rest and peace rather than restlessness, and light rather than darkness. The beatific vision of heaven is consistent with the notions of peace, and light as well as a time positive growth and purification. But hardly the purgatory of suffering envisioned by some."
The funeral Mass and other prayers for the dead can be seen as praying to assist souls in their progress. I hope even in heaven we are continuing to learn.
So you think that human beings still alive can somehow speed up the souls learning progress and leave purgatory faster? That human beings can somehow influence what happens in the afterlife, whatever it may be? This seems to indicate a lack of faith in God, assuming that God really is love and not an indifferent bystander.
DeleteDo you ever pray for living people, to assist them in whatever journey they're on?
DeleteJack, you make a good point about the Eucharistic Prayers being for the dead. And Jean, about the connection between the living and the communion of saints.
DeleteEucharistic Prayer II and Eucharistic Prayer III also have optional sections to pray for specific people who have died, if the mass being offered is a Mass for the Dead. I think those are used frequently for weekday mass.
Jack, re: your comment about the parish in Boston with a long list of names: at one time, our parish put a daily cap on the number of people who could 'register' their loved one for a mass of the dead. I think this was done primarily to limit those would want their beloved deceased to be remembered at every single mass. I don't know if that limit is still in place.
I love Eucharistic Prayer I, the Roman Canon, even though it is a little longer than the others. They usually use it here on feast days.
DeleteDuring the month of November here people can put the names of the dead that they .wish to remember in an envelope, and the envelopes are placed on the altar during November. They can schedule Masses for both living and deceased people during the rest of the year, but they only schedule six months out at a time.
Katherine, I pray for living people, but I don’t think it actually changes anything. If people ask for prayers, I pray. Sometimes I ask people to pray for me and my fami,y. It can’t hurt. But I have no real belief in intercessory prayer as I’ve mentioned before. It doesn’t fit my understanding of God — if there is a God—loving all equally and I don’t believe that God gives favors only to Christians who pray for someone. Responding to that would indicate to me that God isn’t really the God of love for all humanity.
DeleteAnd I never pray for the dead. They are in God’s hands and a God who is love is not punitive, and doesn’t need living human beings to be involved in what happens to souls in the afterlife.
DeleteWhen and who one prays for is up to the person. But I don't think it's about appeasing God or prying favors out of him. All prayer takes place in a relationship. Scripture tells us to "pray without ceasing, giving thanks in all circumstances."
Delete"... at one time, our parish put a daily cap on the number of people who could 'register' their loved one for a mass of the dead."
DeleteThis can get fraught! In our old Episcopal parish, there were just two Sunday Eucharist services per week available to commemorate the deceased. The older parishioners had "their" dates slotted in for dead relatives for years if not decades. Some of the departed had died in the 1800s. The priest suggested at a vestry meeting that people be allowed to keep a date for two or three years, renewable for another term if no one else needed it. Raber, who served on the vestry at that time, said all hell broke loose. People expected to keep those dates until they died.
Prayers of thanksgiving are fine. They aren't asking for something. I often pray something like this - “God, I don’t know who or what you are, or even if you exist, but if you’re listening and you are with me in some way, holding me up, and keeping me going on the hardest days, I thank you” .
DeleteJean, Did the people hoarding the dates for their deceased ancestors also think they could pass those dates on to their survivors after their own deaths? If the Episcopalians don’t believe in purgatory as you said, then why the prayers for the dead?
ReplyDelete