Earlier this week, I turned 64. No longer can I credibly claim to be in my early 60s.
The previous week, my wife and I had taken a week off from our jobs and driven up to Door County, WI for a quiet wedding anniversary getaway. Originally, we had planned to go to Canada, but have been socked financially by some home repairs this year - have had to have two bathrooms remodeled and have a crawl space that needs to be watersealed. So we scaled back the vacation plans.
We had a wonderful week in Wisconsin, but we both knew that the emails and the work were piling up while we were gone. My birthday happened to fall on the first day back, so I spent my birthday paying the price for being away from work for a week.
On the spectrum of birthday celebration expectations, I land on the low-key end. I'm really not very comfortable being the center of attention, so I don't want everyone to make a big fuss over me. Well, it's not bad for a few minutes. But I'm really not looking to have a "special day". I never take my birthday off from work.
My wife is different: she wants more of a fuss on her birthday. She will happily take her birthday off from work, and would be even happier if I would take it off, too, and whisk her away to an art museum or a botanical garden or some other indulgent day-long activity. She'd like to be taken out to dinner, too.
It's not that I don't have any expectations. I want a birthday cake and ice cream, and greeting cards are nice. I actually don't feel that strongly about gifts. In fact, gifts are a source of annoyance for the rest of the family, because they want me to send out a birthday list of desired gifts, and I can never think of anything to ask for. We have what we need, and material things do not excite me very much. I usually end up asking for gift cards, which is boring for everyone (including me).
I've found that, when I don't put together a list of gift suggestions, my family comes up with interesting and thoughtful gifts. This year, my wife had a piano tuner come in to tune a piano that hadn't been tuned in years - a terrific gift, which I never would have thought up on my own. Two of the kids are going to pool resources to get us some theater tickets - how wonderful it is to look forward to a theater outing with them.
Meanwhile, every year checked off brings me deeper into the last third, or quarter, or tenth of my life. On my birthday, the mail brought two invitations to Medicare seminars in my area. I'm going to have to start taking Medicare enrollment seriously. Retirement sounds a little better these days than it has in the past (work is too stressful these days - I wish our society would come up with a way to ease up on the stress for us older workers). I'm still three years away from "full social security", and six years away from maxing out my social security. But there is no guarantee my employer will want me around that long.
So on the whole, my birthday was some combination of very nice, and quiet, and depressing :-)
What is your birthday attitude?
My birthday was Friday. I was 71. I don't celebrate it and haven't for about 10 years. Raber always forgets it, and I don't think The Boy even knows when it is. I usually get a card from my aunt and a few girlfriends, but since we all retired, we've drifted away from remembering birthdays.
ReplyDeleteMy maternal grandfather's birthday was the day after mine, so when I was little they were celebrated together. That was usually the occasion for the last picnic of the year.
My dad had quite a head for dates and would often remark if it was the birthday of somebody long dead, which gave him an excuse to tell family stories, not that he needed an excuse to tell stories.
My mom exacted tribute on her birthday, no other way to describe it. We were told what we were supposed to fork out, what kind of cake to get, and what kind of dinner we were to provide.
My brother's birthday is April Fool's. Loved that birthday because we would play tricks on him, and he loved getting tricked. Silly stuff, nothing mean, like putting birdseed in the toes of his shoes, safety pinning the legs of his PJs shut, those candles you can't blow out.
Dave and The Boy have birthdays on top of Xmas. I usually get them a sweater or mittens and cake and ice cream for Christmas dinner. I did big ads Halloween parties when The Boy was little because December babies get gypped out of bd's.
DeleteOne of my sons was born on Thanskgiving Day, and his birthday always falls within a few days of Thanksgiving each year. We go to my parents' house on Thanksgiving, so my mother always serves cake and ice cream for my son during Thanksgiving afternoon, some 2-3 hours before we eat the big turkey dinner. (And then there is pie and ice cream after that dinner.) In terms of calorie consumption, it's all a little much, but at least he gets a little time carved out of the holiday for his birthday.
DeleteYikes! My glucose went up 30 points just reading that! Kids probably love it, tho.
DeleteOne of my sisters was born on the 24th of December. Mom always had a party for her that day, even if it was just family. And made something that wasn't Christmas food. Now she has a grown daughter who is a bit of a foodie. So she gets Italian or Lebanese cuisine for Christmas eve.
DeleteMy dad's birthday was June 25. My oldest son has that birthday too. So does one of my nieces. My son always said he liked that date, it was like Christmas in the summer.
My birthday is the same as my aunt's, and my sister's birthday is the same as our great-grandmother's. I wonder if that's a thing, relatives sharing the same birthday.
DeleteJean - happy belated birthday!
DeleteI was gobsmacked when I finally tracked down info on my dad's biological father and saw that he shared a birthday with my son. He had a daughter (my biological aunt) with the same first and middle names as me, spelled exactly the same. My grandmother's divorce decree was granted the same day/month as my birthday. Funny coincidences.
DeleteOops, let me try that again: belated happy birthday! (Have to be so careful with a writing teacher around...)
DeleteIt's weird that whenever you call your doctor's office to make an appointment, or the pharmacy to refill a prescription, they always ask your date of birth, sometimes before they even ask your name. There must not be that many people with the same month, day, and year in their system.
DeleteOften some family members will have the same day and month for a birthday. A little more unusual for them to have a birthday on a death date of an ancestor. My youngest granddaughter was born on the date my mom passed away, 15 years later. It was nice to have something happy to remember that day. My b-day is Feb. 16, my mom's was the 18th. Hannah's is the 17th. I was glad that Mom didn't die on my birthday. Dad died on our 49th wedding anniversary. My siblings often had a big party for their big anniversaries. But our 50th was a bit more somber. We just had a Mass said and our two boys were there and one daughter in law.
It's easier for receptionists to type in numbers than names, which may be spelled nothing like they sound.
DeleteI like birthdays. But the grown up ones are never as fun as the ones when I was a kid. I never made too much of the "decade" birthdays, any more than the other ones. I was sort of touched, and also embarrassed, when my siblings put together a scrapbook for my 50th. I tried to return the favor and spearheaded a scrapbook effort for each of them when they turned 50.
ReplyDeleteThe decade birthday I did take more notice of was my 70th. I had to face the fact that I was no longer "middle aged"! I had reached the Biblical "three score and ten". On the one hand, gratitude for having made it this far, on the other hand sadness that there was a lot more sand in the bottom of the hour glass than in the top. It's been like having a car that's finally paid off. But finding out that it's going to need some work if you're going to keep driving it. I really hope all that kind of work is done for awhile!
I like birthday cakes, but plz don't get me one of those awful store bought cakes with the cold-cream frosting. I'll either bake one myself, or get HyVee's tiramisu which is pretty good. Glad my husband doesn't try and bake one. The best cakes were my grandma's daffodil cake, or my other grandma's maraschino cherry and walnut cake. My dad's favorite birthday cake was a burnt sugar one. Haven't made one of those for years, they're a lot of work. I make some form of chocolate cake for my husband's birthday, since that is his favorite.
I do like to go out to eat on my birthday. This year we went to Panda Express, I like Chinese.
For my husbands birthday the kids take him to a Stormchaser's baseball game. They are in Omaha, a farm team for the Royals. The youngest granddaughter has started going with the guys, she's a softball player. My one daughter in law and I usually go to Panera Bread and hang out in Barnes and Noble.
It really makes you feel old when your oldest kid turns 50!
We all pretty much just give each other gift cards now, which I like. Because you can spend them on something stupid and self indulgent without feeling guilty.
LOL: "It's been like having a car that's finally paid off. But finding out that it's going to need some work if you're going to keep driving it."
Delete"I was sort of touched, and also embarrassed, when my siblings put together a scrapbook for my 50th. I tried to return the favor and spearheaded a scrapbook effort for each of them when they turned 50."
DeleteWow - I wouldn't even know where to begin for something like that. I guess my family are slackers!
"awful store bought cakes"
DeleteI inherited from my mother a conviction that birthday cakes must be homemade - ideally from scratch. If you make enough of them over the years, you get fairly proficient at it. I was perfectly willing to make myself a cake, because I was pretty confident it would turn out adequate for purpose. But apparently that was a bridge too far for my wife - the idea that the birthday person would make his own cake on his big day - but apparently not far enough that it motivated her to make me one. My wife doesn't have the homemade-birthday-cake gene. Her mom (who unlike mine had a career, as a teacher) thought family birthdays were why God created bakeries.
At least one of my kids inherited the same cake-must-be-homemade gene from me. She's going to make me a birthday cake when the kids get together with me in a few days.
On the actual day of my birthday, I told my wife I'd like to have cake and ice cream, and as she was running out to the grocery store anyway, I made the friendly suggestion that she could pick up a couple of cupcakes from their bakery. As two of the kids were going to be around later that day, she came back with the cake you described - a previously-frozen single-layer round cake with an industrial quarter-inch layer of frosting. It was allegedly a marble cake, although whoever (or whatever machine) did the marbling should consider him/her/itself a candidate for alternative employment. It practically, but not quite, appears as though someone took half a yellow cake and half a chocolate cake, shoved them together to make a circle, and frosted them to keep the halves from splitting apart again. Curiously, even though there is some very minimal marbling, suggesting it's actually a single cake, the chocolate bits are reasonably fresh, but the yellow cake tastes like it's 2 weeks old. Maybe that's where the custom of pairing birthday cake with ice cream comes from: if enough ice cream melts on dried-out cake, it's rendered edible.
Raber's mother was a fearful, unimaginative, and grudging cook who lived on pre-made stuff as much as possible--mashed potato flakes, gravy in a jar, frozen peas, canned ham, Stove Top stuffing, Chef Boyardee, Hostess snack cakes, Jell-O--so he prefers grocery store cakes to homemade. We haven't had a working oven for three years, and I suspect his foot dragging on oven repairs is because of his rekindled romance with Sara Lee.
Deletelol! Raber’s mom and mine were two of a kind when it came to cooking. When TV dinners first appeared in stores my mother thought they were the greatest thing since the invention of the automobile.
DeleteI understand the appeal of most of the pre-prepared food products, but I've never quite "gotten" Minute Rice. Actual medium-grain white rice is easy, relatively quick and pretty much fool-proof if you know how to follow simple instructions.
DeleteMy friend's gramma was from Sicily. Didn't speak much English. Rolled her own pasta, made everything from scratch. She thought anything that came in a can was dog food. She was absolutely horrified when her daughter opened a can of Spam and tried to make sandwiches out of it for the kids.
DeleteI've never been able to take Spam, either. Same with Kraft American Cheese and Oscar Meyer hot dogs. My mother fed us all that stuff.
DeleteThe guy at the corner store where I grew up was a German and made his own lunchmeat. Dad would go up there and get a half pound of bratwurst, put it onto a sandwich with a slice of raw onion and horse radish. It was pretty darn good! My stomach won't tolerate that stuff now.
DeleteDid you ever eat Kogel's hotdogs and bologna when you lived in Michigan? They're still in biz. Only hot dogs my mom would buy if the German guy didn't have any of his homemade ones.
I don't think Kogel's was a thing where I lived. Our hot dog 'treat' was called a Coney Island dog. It's a hot dog on a bun, topped with this dry chili concoction, consisting of chopped beef heart rather than ground beef. Also a *lot* of diced onion. I think mustard, too, or maybe that was just the way my dad ordered 'em. It's sort of the food the town is known for. Probably a bit of an acquired taste.
DeleteI'm told Detroit also has Coney Island dogs, but their topping isn't dry - it's got some broth like chili con carne would have.
We got chili dogs from the Dog-N-Suds as kids. No idea if that was a chain or just local. They were just the right amount of juicy. The buns were also toasted and substantial. Yes, lots diced onion and mustard.
DeleteI remember driving my dad nuts one time insisting that it was incorrect to call root beer "suds" because suds was for soap and what was on root beer was "foam." I must have been about 7 or 8. About the same time I asked him what a gigolo was.
Poor Dad.
I don't think a chili dog became a Coney dog until I was grown up. There's mom-and-pop takeout stand near us poetically called Jim and Tony's Cone and Coney. They also got the apostrophe right.
Kogel meats are famous in Michigan, especially if you grew up in the Saginaw Valley. Also Spatz bread and Mooney's ice cream.
My birthday story is difficult. But…as a child my mom got a basic cake from somewhere ( maybe made from a Betty Crocker mix - she didn’t cook much and never baked) and I had a couple of friends over and my mom cooked hot dogs and hamburgers on the grill. . My birthday was the same day as my father’s, who always managed to be out of town on business that day. He never wished me Happy Birthday. He was always distant with me, barely noticed me even when he was home. He traveled on business most of the time. I couldn’t understand why he never wished me happy birthday - he couldn’t forget because it was the same day as his. When I was in my 40s, my mother told me that he had taken her to an abortionist when she got pregnant with me. I was #5. She refused when she learned why they were there. ( in spite of this history I’m still pro- choice which is NOT the same as pro- abortion). I believe that marked the end of the marriage, and even though they stayed married technically for 18 more years - officially separated when I was ten. He hadn’t wanted children to begin with, and they had just learned that my brother ( about 6 months old then) had permanent brain damage from birth. When she told me this I was shocked. But, as strange as this may sound, I was actually relieved in a way. It explained a lot. I realized that his indifference towards me wasn’t really personal - he simply had not wanted one more child especially when just learning that #4 had permanent brain damage. I always hated being the center of attention anyway, so was fine with very low key birthdays. So was my husband with his. Usually flowers, a card, a small gift, dinner out with our sons for me, I cooked his favorite meal at home for him. Eventually we even gave up the small gifts. Neither of us needed things - the only jewelry I ever wore were my wedding and engagement rings. I never pierced my ears and don’t wear earrings, so no jewelry gifts. Once the boys grew older we told them to get us only consumables for Christmas or birthdays - wine.gourmet foods etc.
ReplyDeleteI am 78 now. My husband will be 85 in November. I will get lobster rolls at a local, longtime seafood cafe near us and bring them home. Boston Cream pie from the bakery for him. Our anniversary is shortly before Christmas. Like Christmas birthdays it eventually got lost in the shuffle after our children were born so we usually celebrated in January. Now it’s back to December. Lobster rolls! 🦞
Mmm, lobster rolls! That's nice to have a favorite food for a special occasion.
DeleteYep, lobster rolls are awesome!
DeleteAnne, I'm so sorry for you, for those circumstances about your birthday and your family. That's the kind of thing that would send a lot of people into counseling.
DeleteI survived ok. I hesitated to share my story on what should be a light hearted thread, but decided that you all are close enough friends that I could tell you. I got over my dad’s indifference when I was a kid. Fortunately I never liked a lot of hoopla for my birthday ( or Mother’s Day) But I was surprised by my mom’s tale. I don’t know why she told me. Maybe she just thought I should know. I’m glad she did . She died a couple of years later. My husband and kids have always celebrated exactly as I want - cozy, personal, our family only.
DeleteAnne, that would be such a hard thing to hear, that your father didn't want you to live. Glad that your mother had other ideas.
DeleteI'm glad that your husband and kids celebrate your birthday in a good way.
Katherine, as I said, learning the truth was actually a relief. It wasn’t me specifically - it wasn’t my looks or personality- it would have been any child born after my brother. I seldom saw my father growing up. From age 10 until he died when I was 37, I maybe saw him half a dozen times. I did not experience his death as a great personal loss. However as an older adult, as I reflected on my religious beliefs, I did begin to wonder if my lack of a good relationship with my father impacted my concept of God. I think it has, and not always positively. I have never experienced God as love. It’s what I want to believe, but can’t fully believe. I don’t trust God unreservedly. I hope. But true trust and belief are difficult.
DeleteAnne, yes - it's very hard to completely let go of the rope.
DeleteAnne, if I am remembering right, I think you shared one time that your brother who had some brain damage turned out to be a pretty amazing person.
DeleteKatherine, yes he was. He accomplished way more in life than anyone could have imagined. And he created workarounds for his weaknesses, like not reading very well, unable to write, and unable to do even fairly simple arithmetic. But he had a great memory.He took his high school exams orally. He enjoyed life. People he worked with as a volunteer were shocked to learn that he couldn’t read or write - they had been organizing a huge celebrity golf tournament every year to raise money for research into dwarfism. Movie stars and musicians were recruited for it every year. He was President of the volunteers for two years and nobody guessed. They learned of his disability at the funeral. He died at age 47mafter a brain hemorrhage caused by being hit in the head with a golf ball.
DeleteFor the preacher and a preacher’s wife - I just read a column at American called Preach.I think it is an amazing homily. What do you professionals think?
ReplyDeletehttps://www.americamagazine.org/podcasts/2025/09/08/preach-sacraments-intro-presbyterian/
PS. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BIRTHDAY, Jim!
I think it is a really good homily, interesting interpretation of Hebrews. At the same time, the metaphor of the word of God as a two edged sword is a bit discomforting. Even more so the idea of God as surgeon. I found myself thinking, do I get some propofol with that?
DeleteThank you for the birthday wishes, Anne!
DeleteYes, it's a very good homily. It had me riveted all the way through.
Happy Birthday, Jim. You’re still the youngster in the group. I’ll be 77 on October 13. If someone asked me how old I am today, I’d say 77 because I round off. My birthdays aren’t a big deal to me. My friends always seem to remember them but, if they totally forgot, they’d still be my friends.
DeleteThank you Stanley!
DeleteMy birthday is celebrated as a holy day since I was baptized on the morning of my birth. My mother almost died in labor; the priest who was summoned to give her the last rites, also baptized me, although I was in no danger of death. (I guess he was taking no chances).
ReplyDeleteMy mother had spent four years trying to get pregnant; the doctor eventually discovered she did not have enough thyroid. During those four years like Hannah in the OT, she had promised me to God if only she could raise me. She never told me the story until long after I made my decision to join the Jesuits. The baptismal story then became a ratification of God’s acceptance of her offering.
However, I when I began praying the Hours in grade school, I linked my baptism to Psalm 110
A prince from the day of your birth † on the holy mountains; from the womb before the dawn, I begot you. The Lord has sworn an oath he will not change. “You are a priest forever, a priest like Melchizedeck of old.”
I have always linked my life-long vocation to praying the Hours to baptism not a vocation to the priesthood or religious life.
I seem to be the only octogenarian among a group of mostly septuagenarians, and baby Jim. His youthful status helps me to understand the tendency of some you to give him help in growing up. Happy Birthday, Jim!
A special birth greeting to Jean, our recent septuagenarian! I would send you a link to the Orthodox birthday greeting “Many Years” but that would be more of a curse than the blessing. May you get as much joy as possible from your septuagenarian years.
For the rest of you septuagenarians, what might it be like to be an octogenarian. My father in his eighties summed it up “The mind says GO, the body says NO.”
I had the privilege of accompanying two aunts through their eighties into their nineties. Their birthdays were within days of each other although one was my dad’s sister, the other my mother’s sister.
Life tends to become lonely in the eighties. The age peers you had in your seventies die, become home bound, or move away to be with their relatives. My company to both my aunts even when it was by phone was very important to them. So be supportive of those in their eighties, you may be their someday. Make friends with babies in their sixties in the hope that when graduate to their seventies and you are in your eighties, they will still be your friends.
Life tends to become scary in the eighties. Each week that I called my aunt in Florida she had the story of the latest catastrophe in her life. She was a good story-teller, so I thought this was probably her way of entertaining me. Maybe not! All the little problems that I once easily solved, have become a daily burden. Only if I could have a month or even a week’s vacation from all of them!
For those in their eighties, the world around us is falling apart. My aunt could not understand why the Democrats would prefer Obama to Hilary Clinton. Was it not time for a woman president? Thankfully she did not live to see the county prefer Trump to Clinton!
Enjoy being septuagenarians as well as you can. As my one aunt in her eighties said, "Whoever decided these are our golden years?"
Prednisone works wonders. Have had to take it for lung problems a few times, and once it kicks in, I feel like I'm 35. Sadly, it wears off once you taper off the start up dose.
DeleteI told the doc I'd like two prednisone vacations per year just to get stuff done, but she just gave me the side eye.
I do understand the loneliness of old age. Two of my closest friends died in their 50s, and it becomes harder to make friends as you get older. But it makes me appreciate those still here. And the young people who still have time for me.
Jack, I'm glad you are still hanging in there. I am definitely finding out that old age isn't for sissies! I am trying to be like Psalm 92; "The just will flourish like the palm tree, and grow like a Lebanon cedar, planted in the house of the Lord. They will flourish in the courts of our God, still bearing fruit when they are old." It sounds like you are still bearing fruit..
DeleteHow is Betty doing? I know she has had some very difficult things happen lately.
In her own words, the past year has been one of the worst for Betty. And she has been through a lot with two divorcees and raising two special needs children, as well as many health issues.
DeleteThe bad year began in August 2024. Betty has had for some time a great deal of back pain. In recent years this has be relieved by nerve ablations about every six months. These provide quick but not complete relief from the pain. Like going from an 8 or 9 pain scale to a 3 to 4, and from dependency on a walker to walking freely the day after the ablation. (The nerves grow back so the ablation has to be redone.)
In August 2024 this pain management regime was complicated by tendonitis in her hip joint which can best be relieved by physical and massage therapy.
Betty and her children all have Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (EDS), a group of inherited connective tissue disorders characterized by joint hypermobility, skin fragility, and other systemic abnormalities. It means that they have a lot more pain and suffering than most people. It also puts them on autism spectrum in their thinking and neuro-processing.
Betty’s pain became so bad in March that she was completely immobile, hospitalized and in rehab for about a week. She was only partly covered from that when her daughter died in May.
Her daughter had a long life of suffering, including recovery from adolescent bone cancer. Her childhood experience of chemotherapy meant she was unwilling to undergo chemotherapy for inoperative breast cancer (which had also likely metastasized to other parts of her body including her brain). She simply ended her life with a massive overdose of her pain medication.
Betty is currently trying to wean herself from the opioid medication that means she is totally dependent upon me for transportation. Betty was already in therapy for post-traumatic stress syndrome. Her therapist and all her many doctors have been very helpful in dealing with the suicide.
We buried her daughter with a service led by Betty and a deacon who had as a high school teacher accompanied her daughter in her struggle with cancer. Vespers was celebrated outdoors at our house, and Lauds at the cemetery. Her daughter did not want any public services.
Her daughter was a singer and composer. We used one of her songs for the service, along with a lot of other recorded music including the chant of the hours.
Saturday will be her daughter’s birthday.
Betty very much enjoys the NewGathering posts which I often read her, including this one on Birthdays and the recent discussion of experiences with Facebook.
Betty has a grandson in Montana, and a great granddaughter whom she is trying follow by Facebook since she no longer has her daughter as a source of information. Unfortunately, the grandson is on bad times with a DUI house arrest, and he has broken up with the mother of the great granddaughter. They are all three thousand miles away and little chance they will ever come back here.
None of Betty's descendants are in much of a position to help her. She needs to focus on herself and me, so that in my old age I can continue to help her. Without me she would have ended up going to a nursing home.
We’re all thousands of miles apart, otherwise, we could help with more than words. Like the song says, “if you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with.” In an agape way, of course.
DeleteAnyone celebrate their baptismal day? Church ladies gave us candles for RCIA admonishing us about lighting these and observing the day in prayer every year, obligation, blah blah. But I never heard of any Catholics celebrating their christening day or RCIA anniv.
ReplyDeleteThere is also a lot of hyping First Communion and Confirmation although no one seems to celebrate those anniversaries either.
DeleteThis all is part of the tendency to emphasize catechesis over the liturgy itself. If all these liturgies were really so great, then people would remember them. The theory is that if people really understood the real Presence they would come to Mass regularly, etc.
The whole aim of the liturgical reforms was to do liturgy better not to spend a lot of time educating people about the importance of liturgy. We are putting the cart before the horse.
My Baptism day is easy to remember because it was St. Patrick's Day. I have the little dress that Mom made from the fabric she had left over from her wedding dress. .
DeleteI heard a story that was sad about my baptism day years after Mom died. One of my sisters told me that Mom told her she cried about my baptism because she wasn't Catholic at the time but had promised to raise me Catholic. She had never told me that. That promise was required of a mixed marriage at that time.
My mother was appalled when she found out I went to the Episcopalians, but both parents were outraged that we sent The Boy to Catholic school. The priest abuse stuff was in high gear then, and she was worried sick he might get molested at confession. Seemed to be a genuine fear and not one of her manipulative ploys.
DeletePoles have “ imieminy”, on which they celebrate the saint after whom they were named. It’s a big deal. Something I hadn’t picked up from my family but learned about it via language lessons.
Delete"The whole aim of the liturgical reforms was to do liturgy better not to spend a lot of time educating people about the importance of liturgy. We are putting the cart before the horse."
DeleteGreat insight!
" I have the little dress that Mom made from the fabric she had left over from her wedding dress. "
DeleteQuite a few families around here have multi-generational baptism outfits. I did a baptism last Sunday for which the baby was clothed in a garment that had been worn by 20+ members of the extended family across at at least four generations.
"One of my sisters told me that Mom told her she cried about my baptism because she wasn't Catholic at the time but had promised to raise me Catholic. She had never told me that. That promise was required of a mixed marriage at that time."
DeleteThat requirement hasn't completely vanished. I think it's only asked of the Catholic spouse now, and it's not a hard-core promise to raise the child as a Catholic, but simply to try. Sorry, not enough time at the moment to find the references.
My family had a baptismal gown - all five of us wore it, as did my eldest sister’s children. Due to a family rift, a cousin who had used it for her child refused to return it to my other sister. So a new gown was made. The new gown was worn by our three, kids, my brother’s daughter, and another niece. All in their 40s now. It was worn by three of my brother’s grandchildren, and my eldest sister’s grandchildren. I’m not sure if her two great grandchildren wore it. I don’t know who has it now. Most of my grandchildren and those of my siblings were not baptized Catholic, so the gown hasn’t been used for a while.
DeleteRe parties for saints name days.Years ago one of our sons was in nursery school with a little boy from Spain. He had a party for his saints day that was like an American birthday party.
Jack, thank you for the update. You and Betty have been on my mind recently. I had been a bit worried. It’s been a really, really tough time for both of you, especially for Betty. The chronic pain is an added nightmare. You two have more than enough crosses to carry. You remain in my prayers, as do all here.
DeleteRe aging - Two years ago I was 76 and feeling great. And even looking pretty good - for my age! The second anniversary of my husband’s fall is in five days. That moment changed our lives. Now at 78 I feel ten years older than I did at 76. I’ve aged physically too. Until two years ago, most people who didn’t know me pegged my age at 65ish. My husband also looked younger - and he still does amazingly enough. Many of the medical folk who have treated him during the last two years are shocked to learn his true age. Most estimate his age at early 70s based on just looking at him, not almost 85. They comment when they read his chart because he looks so much younger in spite of everything he’s been through. Unfortunately for me I now not only look my age or older, I FEEL my age or older. And that is much worse.
I just want to echo my thanks to Jack for that update. I'll pray. In the midst of all her troubles, I think she's lucky to have you in her life!
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteThanks, Anne, for your thoughts.
DeleteReal age and psychological age is an interesting topic.
My mother died at age 72. It was not unexpected. She had been told three years before that she had only six months to live and that there was not anything they could do. She did not suffer much during that period, just slowly deteriorated mostly during the last few months.
Before her death I felt like a thirty-year-old, afterward like the fifty-year-old that I was. But afterwards, I did not continue to age. When I retired at age sixty, I continued to feel like a fifty- year-old, engaging in a strenuous exercise program.
Once I got my balance problem in my seventies, I seemed to age somewhat but Betty perceived me as more like a sixty-year- old even though I was in my seventies. However, in the last few years, I realize that I cannot do much of the things that I did in my seventies.
Betty and I now have to think very carefully each day about what we do and engage in. While we could go to church during the relatively Covid free summers, Betty has either been in bad physical shape and/or we see going to Mass (just down the road) as too exhausting in comparison to our Sunday morning virtual routine which includes Mass both in Boston and at the National Shrine. On Saturday evening we will be going to Mass at the local parish because of her daughter's birthday.
Jim says: In the midst of all her troubles, I think she's lucky to have you in her life!
DeleteI am lucky to have Betty to share my spiritual and intellectual life. As a solitary I don't need much more than her and the companionship here at NewGathering. I am open to sharing my blogs with other people in Lake County, and if some of them decide to visit us, I will receive them gladly during the spring-summer-fall months. I don't miss being able to go to Church or group meetings. I long ago gave up travel outside Lake County.
Betty is however an extravert who needs more people. With musical and artistic interests, she has adapted well to my solitary life. However, people do exhaust her not while she is with them, but for the next day or two.
Jim, "That requirement hasn't completely vanished. I think it's only asked of the Catholic spouse now, and it's not a hard-core promise to raise the child as a Catholic, but simply to try."
ReplyDeleteRight, that's the way I understand it now too.
My dad had an uncle who was an attorney. Mom did tell me that she consulted him to ask if the mixed marriage promises were binding under civil law. He said that they were not, basically it was a Catholic "insider thing". She was reassured by that. I have to say she never gave me any kind of a mixed message about having a Catholic identity. And by the time most of my sibling were born she had joined the church.
Wasn't gonna bite on this, but on behalf of English majors everywhere:
ReplyDelete"Oops, let me try that again: belated happy birthday! (Have to be so careful with a writing teacher around...)"
I've had a lifetime of this crap from my family. "Ooh, be careful or the fussy English teacher who has no other interests or life skills will smack you down."
It's a way of degrading what I know and what I did for 35 years. It reflects the contempt our society had for language and literature. Nobody else here has been teased or humiliated for their chosen life's work.
Please stop.
Jean, no diss from me! English was always my favorite subject. My kids laugh because I double space in a text after a period or colon. Sometimes I use parentheses in a text. And I always have a subject and predicate. I liked Silas Marner and Great Expectations.
DeleteAs far as getting dissed for my chosen career, no one here has done it, but I have been asked if I have poisoned anyone. Because, you know, chemists. I always reply, "Not lately!"
I was an English major, but I didn't learn much from the experience. I did decide that I did not want to have a post B.A. career in the humanities. Far easier to learn how to write up research in standard format for publication in journals than to write long articles and books.
DeleteBetty is my proof-reader and corrector. I am a terrible proof-reader. In junior high I got a 50th percentile on a test of clerical ability. In graduate school one of my professors asked me to proof-read the draft of his new book. I responded: "an average junior high student would do as well." When we had typewriters and secretaries, the secretaries were always adding the things that I would leave off like "ed." I was glad for spell check when we went to computers.
Early on in my career before it became evident that I would be a researcher and administrator, people that I did not know well sometimes treated me as if I had X-ray vision that could instantly diagnose them.
Oh, good grief. Nobody here has ever joked that Katherine has poisoned them or pretended to be concerned that Jack would think they're crazy.
DeleteAs far as I know, I have never given anybody a hard time about their usage or pointed it out to the group. It's rude, and I am a poor proofreader so it would also be hypocritical.
So I don't get why I'm singled out as some kind of uptight fuss-budget about language.
Very tiresome.
Well, we all read things through different prisms. I don’t like the term “ fallen away Catholic” because to me it seems disrespectful but you have no problem with it. Different prisms. I didn’t read the comment as anything more than affectionately acknowledging your particular expertise. I wrote and edited papers and books during my career but I’ve always been a little unsure about certain grammar and punctuation rules. My degree was economics, not English. Economics is a boring discipline to most people - it’s called “ the dismal science “. My work mostly involved aspects of economics but my writing was expected to be non- jargon-ey enough that “lay” people would easily understand. So I kept reference books at my desk. I still occasionally refer to my moth- eaten copy of Strunk and White Elements of Style. I also regularly used my sons’ 8th grade grammar text - Catholic school. They even had to diagram sentences. It’s not just your mastery of grammar and punctuation that impresses me, it’s your knowledge of literature.
DeleteIt’s good that you didn’t “ know” me during my career days because I probably would have buried you in texts and emails asking you to correct my writing errors. I’m not trying to flatter you, just hoping that you might see yourself as we do. You are an incredibly insightful person. I suspect that your in depth study and analysis of the greatest works of literature helped you learn how to see to the heart of things better than most of us do.
I wrote the offending comment. I didn't realize it was such a sore subject. I apologize.
DeleteFWIW, I've never thought of you as an uptight fussbudget. I do think of you as someone who knows how to do it right when it comes to writing and expression, and sets a high standard, gracefully and sometimes humorously. I want to get these things right, too.
DeleteI corrected a substack climate author politely. He said that Einstein developed his theory based on the Michelson-Morley experiment which indicated that the speed of light doesn’t change. I believed that for decades myself. But actually, the speed of light being invariant for all observers in moving reference frames was indicated by Maxwell’s equations. Einstein’s leap was purely theoretical and mathematical, not experimental. He later credited the M-M experiment with validating his theory.
Delete"Acknowledging my expertise" would be asking me a question about language or literature, not making lame jokes about having to be "careful" around the English teacher.
DeleteAnd, of course, if I reject the comments that I'm silly for looking askance at a dig disguised as an affectionate joke, it confirms that I am the sort of person you have to be "careful" around.
Last word: I understand that "watch your grammar around the English teacher" is a comment people toss off without thinking. I'm just tired of people not thinking, especially at a time when literature, history, languages, philosophy, etc. are degraded and devalued.
Jean, it is not my intention to offend. I'm sure nobody here wants to offend. But being human, I think most of us occasionally toss out comments in our daily lives without thinking. I certainly do. You have been too polite to ever correct any of the errors I've made when commenting here, although I wouldn't mind if you did, so that I would know the right usage. So thank you. Unfortunately I can't blame all of my mistakes on spellcheck or my ipad keys that don't always work right.
DeleteIn the meantime, in our family chat, my sons have been following the latest tempest that is rocking Silicon Valley companies (the $100,000 fee for H1B visas) They are speculating about how much worse the the brain drain that has already started with scientists leaving the US for overseas companies might become, and, perhaps, how it might hurt recruitment from universities in India, China and elsewhere even if the companies are willing to cough up $100K for visas for new grads.. Jim, I think your company also has a large staff in and from India. Are you hearing anything about how this might impact your company's operations and recruitment?
Anne, I have been following that news about the H1B visas too. It seems like extortion. I wonder whose idea that was? Was it from Trump, or some of his genius minions like Stephen Miller or Russ Voight? Of course nobody is going to cough up that fee. The message is clear that we don't want immigrants of any kind, not even highly skilled ones. We will be stupider and sicker as a result.
DeleteJean,
DeleteI always appreciated your comments on the dotCommonweal blog. My willingness to sign up for this blog and continued commitment to participation here have been very influenced by your presence. My only regret is that your health has prevented you from continuing to post. Betty also appreciates your comments very much.
Katherine, my SV son thinks the companies will cough it up. But someone also found some fine print that opens the door to ….payoffs? https://x.com/JustinWolfers/status/1969396255626346593?s=19
DeleteAnne, your son may be right. When you have an administration which governs like the mob, of course you have to know whose palms to grease. If you want to do business there are bribes to pay. And the bosses decide who they're going to do business with. The deciding factor won't be who is the best or brightest.
Delete