This is my homily for today, the Fifth Sunday in Ordinary Time, Cycle C. Today's readings are here.
“Depart from me, Lord, for I am a sinful man.”
Why would Peter beg Jesus to depart from him? Isn't drawing closer to Jesus the thing we should wish to do? One answer, and I think it’s the right answer if we understand it properly, is that Peter feared Jesus.
There is a famous saying – and it’s right out of the Bible, Psalm 111 - that goes like this: “Fear of the Lord is the first stage of wisdom.” But what does it mean to "fear" the Lord?
Let's start by observing that Simon Peter’s introduction to Jesus seems to proceed in stages: first he hears this man Jesus preach from the boat to the crowds on shore. Luke doesn’t tell us what Jesus taught that day, but it must have impressed Peter, because, when Jesus asks Peter to pull out into deeper water, Peter addresses Jesus as “Master”. Already, Peter could see that this man Jesus was not a peer, not just another craftsman or laborer; he was someone worthy of special respect. He was someone who deserved to be addressed as “Master”.
But then Simon Peter’s experience of Jesus ascends to an even higher level. When the unexpected catch of fish is so bountiful that it threatens to sink both boats, Peter begins to understand that this man Jesus isn’t just a master teacher: there is even more to him. And as understanding dawns on him, he begins to *fear* Jesus.
To help us understand this *fear* that Peter experienced in that moment, I’d like to share a thought experiment proposed by the the famous writer CS Lewis. This is adapted from his book The Problem of Pain. I’ve tweaked some of Lewis’s original details to fit these circumstances of this episode Peter and Jesus together in the boat, but I think Lewis’s point fits this story well.
The thought experiment runs like this: First, imagine we are Peter, sitting in the boat. But instead of Jesus of Nazareth sitting beside us, imagine we’re sharing the boat with a ravenous lion*. We would quickly realize we are in danger, and we’d be very afraid – the emotion of fear – fear for our lives - would quickly envelop us. But that’s not the kind of fear Peter experiences with Jesus.
So let’s proceed with CS Lewis’s thought experiment: instead of a lion, suppose we believe in ghosts, and suppose that a ghost is sitting in the boat with us – a ghost like the ghost of Jacob Marley in A Christmas Carol. Lewis notes that ghosts also make us feel afraid, but it’s a different kind of fear than the fear of a predator like a lion. Nobody fears that a ghost is going to physically attack us and devour us. Lewis says that, rather than use the word “fear” to describe that uncanny feeling we might get in the presence of a ghost, a better choice of word is “dread”. Think of the dread Ebenezer Scrooge felt in the presence of the ghost of Jacob Marley. Furthermore, he says that feelings like “uncanny” and “dread” get us to the fringes of what we might feel in the presence of God.
Finally, to conclude the thought experiment, now imagine that God himself is in the boat with us – as indeed he was in our Gospel story today: Jesus, God the Son, sat there with Peter. Lewis writes that, in that instance, our feelings, “would be even less like the mere fear of danger; but the disturbance would be profound”. He writes that we would “feel wonder and a certain shrinking – a sense of inadequacy to cope” in the presence of such a person. Our instinct would be to prostrate ourselves before him. Lewis uses the word “awe” to describe how we would feel in the presence of God. We may recall the first reading, where the choirs of Seraphim called back and forth to one another, “Holy! Holy! Holy!” Our awe before the Lord is rooted, not only in our sense of his power, but our sense of his holiness.
Awe seems to be where Peter ended up in this Gospel story, as he progressively realized the nature of the person who was in the boat with him. Upon sensing the magnitude, the holiness, and perhaps the profound goodness of who sat beside him, Peter begged, “Depart from me, for I am a sinful man”. Peter felt an overpowering sense of personal unworthiness. Perhaps the boat was too filled with fish for him to fully prostrate himself, but he knelt in the boat. That is what is meant by “fear of the Lord”.
We may be reminded of a different Gospel episode, that of the centurion upon his first encounter with this man Jesus, when he says, “Lord I am not worthy that you should enter under my roof”. And of course, those are the words we recite before our own personal encounter with the Holy One, our sacramental encounter with Jesus in holy communion.
This sense of awe in the presence of the Lord is important. I’d even say that one way for us to measure our spiritual health is to ask ourselves, “Do I feel awe when I am in the presence of the Lord?” Precisely because we are so blessed with gifts and graces from God, there is a real spiritual danger that we may start taking all this goodness for granted. That would be very human of us.
We might draw a parallel with marriage. Those of us who have been married for a long time know that it’s easy, as the years pass, for the romance to ebb away. Romance doesn’t sustain itself. We have to rekindle it.
It’s the same when it comes to our relationship with God; it’s easy to stop appreciating him and to start taking him for granted – even when our boat is overflowing with gifts from him.
So when it comes to God, how do we rekindle the romance, so to speak? How do we reignite our awe and appreciation for the wonder and goodness and greatness of God? I love what Jesus said to Peter today: “Put out into deep water”. If our relationship with God has become shallow, it might be time for us to put out into deep water again. It may be time for us to go more deeply into our relationship with him. If our spiritual routine has become hum-drum, let us shake it up. Let us try to be more attentive to Jesus’s presence in our lives. That might mean carving out more time to pray. It’s also possible we might need to attend the sacrament of reconciliation, if we haven’t done that in a while. Please, take it from me: there is no better feeling than the feeling of being forgiven, of having my relationship with Jesus repaired. It could mean breaking out of our daily routine, and taking a couple of days to go on a retreat. Did you know there is a fantastic retreat house, just a few miles away, in Barrington? It’s called the Bellarmine Retreat House. It’s run by the Jesuits. They offer retreats and other programs all year round.
If you feel the magic is seeping out of your relationship with Jesus, if you’re not feeling the awe, then put out to deeper water. The spiritual catch awaiting you is bountiful.
* In Lewis's original telling, it was not a lion but a tiger we should imagine. But when I thought about the image of a person and a tiger together in a boat, I immediately thought of the advertisements of the film Life of Pi, which showed a boy and a tiger marooned on a boat. I've neither seen the film nor read the book, so didn't know if that image would help or hinder the thought experiment.
I can't afford retreats, but I used to find that visiting another church was often a way to get out of a spiritual rut. Churches are too crowded during flu and COVID season for that, tho.
ReplyDeleteI also do 20 minutes of yoga-type stretching every day because of severe scoliosis. It's calming, meditative, and requires deep breathing to help you time and hold stretches. Maybe it will keep me up right for the duration, though I sometimes throw covetous eyes on those fancy walkers with build-in seats.
Anyway, I usually say prayers, bits of psalms, and the names of favorite saints while breathing. It makes the yoga more interesting and the prayers more "interactive." At the risk of veering into New Age woo-woo, I do get into a "zone" doing this and feel a renewed connection with God. The end of the exercises is a good time to offer thanks.
I still say my rosary at night.
Jean, I love the way you've incorporated prayer into your yoga. I don't do yoga (although maybe I should), but I could try that when I stretch.
ReplyDeleteI find a lot of holy awe in nature. In the heavens, seeing the sun, moon and stars. The Psalms are full of awe with nature, such as Psalm 19; "...the heavens are telling the glory of God..."
ReplyDeleteAnd awe in observing the changing seasons, and living things. Brother Lawrence, who wrote The Practice of the Presence of God, experienced his moment of conversion at the age of 16 when "... he saw a leafless tree in the middle of a battlefield. Realizing that the tree would be in full leaf and flower in a few months, he saw the tree as a symbol of God's ability to transform the human heart."
That's a lovely story about Br Lawrence.
DeleteThe Episcopalians near me had a nice post about St Scholastica:
ReplyDeleteToday on the Calendar of The Episcopal Church is the Feast of Saint Scholastica of Nursia. The Collect of the Day is from Lesser Feasts and Fasts 2022, page 85.
Assist us, O God, to love one another as sisters and brothers, and to balance discipline with love and rules with compassion, according to the example shown by your servant Scholastica; for the sake of your Son Jesus Christ our Lord, to whom with you and the Holy Spirit be all honor and glory, now and for ever. Amen.
The hagiography is from Lesser Feasts and Fasts 2022, page 84.
Scholastica of Nursia
Monastic, 543
The twin sister of Benedict of Nursia, founder of the Benedictine order, Scholastica is the patron saint of nuns, having dedicated herself to God in her youth.
What we know about her we owe to the Dialogues of Gregory the Great. Although tradition has it that she lived in a large religious community in Plumbariola, there is no evidence that a convent existed there at that time. It is now speculated that she lived in a small hermitage with a few other religious women. Plumbariola was convenient to her brother’s monastery at Monte Cassino, and Benedict regularly visited his sister to discuss the scriptures and spiritual matters.
On one such visit, late in her life, Scholastica—perhaps knowing that her time was short—begged her brother to remain overnight. Benedict refused, as this would violate his own monastic rule. Scholastica then prayed for God’s intervention, and the weather, which was already threatening, turned violent, so that Benedict was trapped. (Ironically, Scholastica is often invoked against heavy rain!) When he reproved his sister, she replied, “See, I asked you, and you would not listen to me. So I asked my Lord, and he has listened to me.” Gregory writes, “It is no wonder that the woman who had desired to see her brother that day proved at the same time that she was more powerful than he was.”
Three days later, after he had returned to his monastery, Benedict saw his sister’s soul, in the form of a dove, ascending to heaven. He had her buried in his own tomb, and when he died he was buried with her.
Benedict's name, according to the Google AI tool, means "Blessed by God". It adds that in Hebrew it would be Baruch, so perhaps President Obama shares the same name.
DeleteScholastica's name could mean "Well-taught One", also "Orator".
I’m not sure that I’ve ever experienced awe at church or during any religious ceremony. At CP I often felt Gods presence. I felt close to God for a few moments and didn’t want to open my eyes or move. The only place I’ve felt awe has been when I’ve been alone in nature . I guess that’s why the poets I like best are Mary Oliver and Wendell Berry. I haven’t read much Emily Dickinson so maybe I’ll try her.
DeleteI’m not a huge fan of the Psalms and OT because of so much violence, attributed to God.
DeleteI cherry pick the Psalms. Most of them, maybe all of them, were not actually written by David. But they do cover all the emotions, all of the situations that we find ourselves in. The violent parts say a lot about humans, not much about God. There are some profound ones such as 139, some in awe of creation such as 65, and others like Psalm 23 dealing with the care and love of God.
DeleteI notice that the responsorial Psalms we use at Mass many times don't include the full text of the psalm, and often edit out the violent part. Psalm 149 turns up in week 1 readings for morning prayer. I always stop with verse 5.
Barbara brown Taylor agrees with us about nature
Delete“In the Bible, people encounter God under shady oak trees, on riverbanks, at the tops of mountains, and in long stretches of barren wilderness. God shows up in whirlwinds, starry skies, burning bushes, and perfect strangers. When people want to know more about God, the son of God tells them to pay attention to the lilies of the field and the birds of the air, to women kneading bread and workers lining up for their pay.”
—Barbara Brown Taylor
I did a conference paper one time comparing desert imagery in Western genre novels and the Psalms. I came to the conclusion that most Westerns were variations on the Psalms--all revolving the same images and themes--the aridity of the soul without God or a state of lawlessness; the balm of human connection to God and neighbors; the vulnerability of the old, the widow, and the orphan; the responsibilities that devolve on the caretaker of herds and flocks; the mystery of moutains and high places; the precariousnesd of existence. "Welcome to Hard Times" by EL Doctorow is a good place to start if yr not a Western fan. Or anything by Larry McMurtry.
DeleteI’ve never read westerns except for a sort of western - Death comes to the Archbishop, and the detective novels set in Navajo country by Tony Hillerman. Those are pure escape novels but I loved the descriptions of the desert, and learning about Navajo history, culture and religion. They aren’t Wyatt Earp old west.
DeleteI fell in love with the stark beauty of the Southwest - Utah, Arizona and New Mexico during my several coast to coast drives and when visiting relatives in New Mexico and Arizona. Before my husband fell we had planned another drive west to California to spend three months there during the winter. It wasn’t to be, so I’m grateful for the other trips we took over the years. Wyoming is also spectacular but it’s the mountains there that are so breathtaking.
I see McMurtry wrote several famous books turned movies but I never saw any of them.
I liked the Hillerman novels. Also enjoyed Death Comes to the Archbishop.
DeleteI haven't read anything by Larry McMurtry. I should read Lonesome Dove, since part of it takes place near my hometown. My brother liked it, named his cat after one of the characters.