I think I have shared before that I follow a podcast by Father Nathan Castle. He is a Dominican friar, and has been a priest for 37 years. His day job for most of his career has been campus ministry.
But his sideline is near death experiences and a prayer ministry for souls of people who have passed over, but aren't in heaven yet. Today's podcast is an interview with Michael Quinn, wbo with his wife Linda (now deceased) has done hospice ministry for many years. You'd think someone talking about death would be a grim interview. But actually I found it positive and inspiring.
Here is the link, for what it's worth. Feel free to pass on by if it isn't your thing, but you might find it interesting:
The dead stick around for 72 hours? My dad died in 2010, but he never left. He still jumps into my head fairly frequently to offer political and social commentary. My mother-in-law also make occasional guest appearances.
ReplyDeleteI tend to think of these events as reverberations from memories that your brain is reworking into new permutations. You knew someone so well that you can imagine how they would think about some new turn of events. And you hear them quite vividly.
I'll take that as a gift.
On the other hand, my brother and I had nightmares about our mother for a couple years after she died, very similar in frequency image and content. I tried praying for her to find peace and tried to remember some good things about her. Over time the nightmares stopped.
But what happens to our actual consciousness and souls after we die, I don't know. I have a hard time believing in immortality and perfect happiness and flawless bodies. It sounds exhausting. When my friend Ronnie was exhausted and dying, she said, "What if all there is after this is eternal sleep, free of all anxieties and fear? Would that be so bad?" Sounds ok to me.
I never experienced deceased loved ones in a way that I was "sure" it was them reaching out. More like little things that could be taken different ways. Sometimes I have thought that seeing a cardinal bird was my mom's signature. They were her favorite bird. Of course you see and hear them here in the spring and summer all the time, so I don't pay a lot of attention other than thinking they are beautiful. But one time on a particular New Year's day I was feeling pretty down because of some difficult things that had happened. I looked out and saw a single cardinal, bright red against the snow. I thought, "Okay Mom! "
DeleteI have never seen apparitions of deceased family members as some of the people mentioned in the podcast have. Except for one time that I was never really sure of. I was sitting by Mom's bedside in the hospital during the illness that she didn't recover from. It was that liminal space between sleeping and waking. Just for a split second I saw my grandmother who had died ten years previous.
Like you, I think of dreams of deceased loved ones as a gift. But I believe for the most part it is just my brain sifting through memories.
We see through a glass darkly.
Yes, our brains reflect wishes and fears in dreams or get triggered at odd waking moments. For awhile after my favorite two tomcats died, I'd think I saw them out of the corner of my eye for an instant. I sometimes have happy dreams about them.
DeleteBut no visions, apparitions, voices, or knocks on the wall, or table tipping.
The Hereafter is opaque to human sensibilities, and I trust it's meant to be that way.
I heard yesterday that the religious sister who had been my youngest sister's first grade teacher, and also who had been the first grade teacher of my older son, had passed away at the age of 99. My own first and second grade teacher only died a couple of years ago at the age of 98. Apparently a lot of nuns live a long time! I don't know if that is a blessing or a burden for them. What you said about needing a rest after all that is probably true.
DeleteI get emails from the Mother House in Adrian. The nuns do seem to live a long time. I read a study many years ago of medieval nuns. They tended to outlive other women by decades--no childbirth or pregnancy complications were the main factors. But they suffered less from economic deprivations, had less infectious disease because they were more isolated, had better diets, etc.
DeleteApparently the Carmelites were pretty penitential. I remember reading about the life of St. Therese of Lisieux. I think they were vegan (maybe they could have fish). The convent was unheated except for the common area. Their Lent started after Holy Cross day, I think September 14? She only lived to 24.
DeleteJean - “ When my friend Ronnie was exhausted and dying, she said, "What if all there is after this is eternal sleep, free of all anxieties and fear? Would that be so bad?" Sounds ok to me.”
DeleteTo me too. After surviving the last 8 months, one day at a time, I can definitely relate . No fear, no worries. That would be heaven to me.
Jean, FWIW - a religious sister from our parish is retired now to the Adrian Mother House. She's somewhere in her 90s. Those sisters (Adrian Dominicans) taught at my high school, too - some of them have lived to old ages, too.
DeleteMy dad's cousin is among the IHMs who are retired to their mother house in Monroe, MI. She's something like 98 now.
The Dominicans taught at the Catholic school across the street. Our cat Fred used to get handouts from the nuns and take naps in their lawn chairs.
DeleteI am the social scientist practical planner when it comes to death. When I retired at age sixty, I planned to live until age 80, my statistically predicted time. No concern whatever about life after 80.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was in my early seventies, I realized that statistically I was likely to live to be about ninety and therefore likely to be more disabled. My balance problems and the necessity of using a walking stick came along in short order. I adjusted to that.
My planning shifted from 20-year plans to 10-year plans. At 82, I now have three-year plans. Each year, those get extended by another year.
Things have become a little more complicated with Betty who is six years younger but has many more health issues that I. While it might be nice to assume that she will take care of me until my death, I also have to plan for the possibility of having to take care of her, and that I might have to live alone again.
Both my mother and father had relatively painless deaths except that my mother had to cope with dying relatively early (age 72) and my dad with living another ten years alone until he died in his late eighties. I accompanied (remotely) two aunts who lived into their nineties. Both had relatively short assisted-living situations at the end of their lives.
I feel that I have had a very good life and have no problems that it will end in a few years. I hope my exit will be peaceful, not include assisted living or a nursing home, and that I will be able to continue to function under three-year plans until then.
My husband is 83. I am almost 77, a similar age difference as you and Betty. I am in excellent health. I have no chronic conditions and take no regular medications. I occasionally take Tylenol for arthritis .I had surgery for breast cancer two years ago. Two different medical oncologists told me that the chances of death from the cancer were less than 3% in 15 years. My husband had heart issues but was still very active and strong until he fell. Even now, in a wheelchair, people anre surprised to learn my husbands age because he looks and acts younger. Everything changed in a moment. We had assumed that we would age in place , and perhaps hire a part- time helper at some point. Now our future is completely uncertain, but we know it will cost a lot of money in either our own home or in a facility . Neither of us are crazy about this assisted living lifestyle after only one week. We’ve had good lives so I try to be grateful for the life we had until last Sept 22. I had assumed that I would probably outlive my husband because of the averages. I may, but I also know that the non- stop stress, fear, anxiety and depression of the last eight months have damaged my immune system. I’m 5’7” and I’ve lost almost 25 pounds and now forcing myself to eat more so that I don’t lose any more. I hope to live as long as my husband does because he needs me, emotionally. And I need him, emotionally. I’m not much help with his physical care needs. If he dies before I do, I would be fine with following him into the great unknown soon after.
ReplyDeleteI think I'm like most elderly people who've slammed into chronic diseases: I make GP, oncology, cardiology appts in the same months (April and October to avoid winter driving and holidays). Once they've given me the OK, I make plans, such as they are, for the coming six months.
DeleteI long ago had will, PoA, funeral instructions, obit, passwords, life insurance policies, Five Wishes, and all that stuff in what Raber calls my "death folder." He says it's morbid and refuses to even make a will. If I bring it up, he gets angry and accuses me of wanting him to die. M'okayyyy.