Why Americans Are Leaving Their Churches
For sociologist Stephen Bullivant, the question is why it took so long for the religious exodus to happen.
As a researcher, Bullivant wanted to know why Americans, once considered the exception to the secularization that has happened in Europe and elsewhere, are suddenly losing their religion.
And it is sudden, he notes. “This kind of religious change in a society doesn’t normally happen in the space of 20 or 30 years,” he told Religion News Service in a Zoom interview. “It’s been within the space of one or perhaps two generations that we’ve seen a sudden surge.”
Bullivant says the majority of this shift is caused by people actively leaving the religion of their childhood (the “nonverts” of the title), not because they were born into nonreligious families (though that trend is coming).
“So there is a story about why there is this rise of the nones. But to me, the more interesting story is why it didn’t happen earlier.”
Politics, say other scholars, who see nonreligion as a backlash against the GOP’s “Contract with America” and the rise of the religious right. That’s likely part of it, Bullivant said, pointing to how quickly the American public changed its mind on gay marriage. But he looks to three other developments to help us understand why people are leaving the fold.
First, there was the end of the Cold War. For decades, “there was a big threat of ‘godless communism,’” making it hard for anyone with religious doubts to admit to them publicly. The social cost of being considered un-American was just too high, keeping the numbers of religious nones artificially low.
A second factor is the sudden appearance of the internet, which made it possible for like-minded people to meet each other. “If you were brought up in small-town Kansas, you probably weren’t going to find other people who were having religious doubts. The internet opened up those spaces for people to play around with ideas, hang out with other people, and get really deep into various subcultures.”
The third factor sounds like circular logic: The nones are rising because the nones are rising. But human beings are herd creatures, Bullivant explains in the book; we tend to do what our neighbors are doing. With every headline (like the one above) that heralds the seismic shift the nation is experiencing, more people become comfortable being nonreligious.
Bullivant himself bucks the trend. The 38-year-old researcher came from a family with no religion — “I wasn’t baptized, and that’s normal in Britain” — but deviated from that path by slowly coming to Catholicism as a student.
While I agree with the author that part of the explanation is a reaction against the union of conservative politics and religion, that has always seemed to me to be a little overdone.
ReplyDeleteWe have always underestimated how abnormally religious the 1950s were, and that much of that was a result of being against atheistic communism.
I am not so convinced of his internet explanation. Part of the decline of religion has been exposure to different beliefs such as when young people go to college. However, in the sixties young people exerted their personal freedom against their parents by becoming non-religious but then came back to religion when they married and had children. In recent years that has not been happening.
I really like his third explanation. I think social scientists have helped greatly by creating more acceptable labels to agnostic and atheist, such as None or "spiritual but not religious."
Journalists have helped also by constantly publicizing the rising numbers of people who are no longer religious. They have not made the story one of criticism of religion, although that is true of many people who are leaving the church. Rather they have made leaving religion a mildly positive choice.
That's true. There is rarely any context in these stories. They seek to explain why, but they don't explore the social impact of dwindling religiosity.
DeleteIt would be interesting to read a study on the impact of less religiosity in the US. The secular countries of Western Europe seem to do pretty well without high levels of participation in formal religion according to various measures of societal well being. They have a higher percentage of kids under 18 living with both birth parents (including in countries where cohabitation is more common than marriage), lower divorce rates, lower teen pregnancy rates, lower abortion rates. Lower homicide rates, lower rates of drug addiction, less poverty etc.
DeleteTo clarify- I don’t think western european dis-affiliation from organized religion is the reason that the various measures of societal health are better than in the US, but I also don’t think that the dramatic rise in SBNR etc - the turn away from institutional religion - will impact our country negatively.
DeleteThere is a new push in the UK though, to eliminate the official linkages between the CofE ( christianity in general) and the government, schools, the monarchy etc because the most recent census indicates that only a minority of Brits self- identify as Christian. The big change there is also the rise in the number of “nones”.
There is often still a state church in those countries. I wonder to what extent that provides cultural cohesion. My friend in Iceland, which is very secular in some ways, said that the state supports the Icelandic Lutheran Church. Confirmation is still a big thing, but often marks the end of a person's regular religious participation. Few church weddings. However churches are big sponsors of AA meetings in a country that has high rates of alcoholism. When someone asks "which church do you go to," she says they're really asking which AA meetings someone attends.
DeleteI wonder how long the nominally official churches will last. Probably depends on the system. In countries like Germany where there is a church tax on people officially on church rolls, people have been officially disaffiliating - not just failing to show up on Sunday.
DeleteI can see how a lot of people would resent paying a church tax for a church they are not active in. I would think a church tax would actually be a hindrance to people actively engaging.
DeleteKatherine, yes, if churches were like they are here, having to support them would be off-putting. However, in some areas of Europe, the churches function as historical sites, art galleries, public gathering places, concert halls, etc. Even if you aren't a Christian or a Catholic, Notre Dame in Paris might be seen to deserve widespread support because it is so woven into French identity. Speaking purely for myself, I would say that the churches I visited in England and Scotland (from St Paul's to St Margaret's Chapel to the teensy St Mary Magdalene in Maddingley) had a hand in pulling me toward conversion, though my imagination sometimes works overtime ...
DeleteI would love to see those historic churches. I agree they are in category of their own.
DeleteDoes he talk at all about the fact that people feel overwhelmed by work and finances such that church participation and the $$ they're always asking for becomes just another obligatory burden?
ReplyDeleteIt's been mentioned here that few of us have actually heard diatribes about gay people or abortion from the pulpit. But money, yikes!
The priest wants it, the CCD director wants it, the Knights want it, the Altar Society wants it. They want you to shop at and contribute to their Christmas Bazaar. They want you to fish fry suppers (now $15 a plate). The guest priests want second offerings for their missions. You pay the Church for baptisms, marriages, funerals, First Communions, Confirmations, and are pressured to buy special outfits for them. The bishop had two appeals a while back, one of which Raber is still paying off in convenient installments of $20 a month. And the local priest is urging women to wear chapel caps and veils. Not a major expense, but one more thing you gotta buy.
Chapel caps and veils? Good grief. And they still wonder why young women are leaving?
DeleteIt's the younger women wearing them. Raber reports that there is a contingent of people who have followed Father to our parish. They kneel when they receive on the tongue and have a rosary or novena going after Mass in the back of the church. Generally seem to like playing Catholics in the Olden Days. Raber has tried to chat them up, but all he can get out of them is that they have followed Father to two parishes and that "he is the real deal." They don't hang around for coffee and donuts. Sunday is the beloved Mexican Breakfast that the folks who migrate to Texas make before they go south for the winter. Some of the guys sing traditional Tex-Mex songs during the meal. Not sure how Father's fan club will cotton to that.
DeleteIt’s obviously an invasion of trads. But the priest trying to talk other women into wearing veils is a bad sign.
DeleteHe's not trying to talk others into it so much as favoring and hanging out with those who do. They are often all invited to the rectory for Sunday dinner. Everyone expects they'll leave when Father is reassigned.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteI'll try that comment again, typing on a Kindle isn't always the best!
DeleteChapel veils and caps? Just nope the heck out of that. What are they going to do to the people who don't wear them, kick them out of church? I doubt if that would stick. I've got both of those things in a dresser drawer from the old days. I keep them because one of them belonged to my grandmother, and they are kind of pretty. But wearing them now sends a message that I don't want to signal.
Speaking of the old days, I can remember pinning a kleenex to my hair for a school Mass if I forgot a scarf (hopefully a clean kleenex!) I don't think the traddie priest would like that.
What Jean said about the financial appeals from church also applies to other charities. Our mailbox is full of appeals from various places, especially this time of year. I think the majority are probably legit. I believe that it's because the social safety net has a lot of holes, both here, but especially in poorer sections of the world. Of course one can't support them all. I think it's best to pick one if you can, and pray for the others. And don't feel guilty if you can't give to all the parish appeals.
Several years ago I decided to pick a few charities after thoroughly researching them on sites like Charity Navigator and have a monthly donation automatically charged to a credit card. Every year I decide whether or not to stick with the same charities or drop and add.So far I’ve not dropped any. I simply toss the rest of the mail solicitations without opening them. I also make occasional one time donations. I did a lot of that during Covid time. Now I don’t agonize over the decisions - I focus on certain concerns, and let others focus on the others.
DeleteI have written before about the young people home on break who pray with their arms clasped behind their backs and kneel on the floor to receive Communion on the tongue. I totally don't get that. I guess the hands behind the back thing is physical penance because it can't be comfortable. It's really not a traditional practice because I can't remember anyone doing that pre-VII. We didn't kneel on the floor either, but I suppose that was because we had Communion rails with a kneeling pad. Which some people would probably like to bring back, but it isn't likely to happen.
DeleteKatherine, how are you faring with covid at your house? Have been remembering you in my prayers. Hope your husband is improving and you have dodged it!
DeleteI give locally to the food bank/baby pantry and humane society. I know these people, and how much their services contribute to our community. I feel I paid many years' worth of Church donations forward when it cost us $3,500 per year to send The Boy to Catholic school.
Raber is fairly upset about the rad trads. I gather it makes the parish seem foreign to him in some way. A few parishes around here are identifying themselves as "authentically Catholic parishes." There's some sort of implied criticism there, but as converts, we aren't really sure what that's about.
Thanks for asking, Jean, I appreciate the prayers. My husband is getting better, he never was seriously sick. He got a prescription for Paxlovid, the approved antiviral, which our clinic will prescribe with a teleconference. I think it really does help.
DeleteSo far I have not caught the virus. The vaccines don't always prevent catching it, but they do seem to prevent serious illness.
Hopefully Raber doesn't get too discouraged. It seems likely the groupies will follow your priest down the road to his next assignment.
Jean, the trads - those who oppose VII and the changes that occurred believe that only their pre-VII ideas are “authentically”Catholic. Everyone else is really a protestant, including Francis, apparently. So parishes that have communion in the hand, kneeling, veiled women, no female altar servers, lectors, etc are “ authentic”. Those that don’t insist on these 1950s practices are not “ real” Catholics.
DeleteKatherine, glad your husband is better! A friend had covid and Paxlovid helped her, too. She did get that resurgence that comes with Paxlovid, like Joe Biden had, but she is fine now. I should find out what the Paxlovid protocol is here. I think we just access the doc thru our health care system's portal.
DeleteAnne, I guess the altar girls are gone at the local parish. Something is also going on with the lectors. Only the deacon or priest do the readings now. But Raber tends to fret and speculate at home about it rather than pumping for info, which was always my M.O.
I should note that there is at least one side effect of Paxlovid, which is a bitter taste in one's mouth. Some people also experience stomach upset, though my husband hasn't had that. I think it is like an antibiotic in that if you don't finish the full course you can have a resurgence.
DeleteYou have to start it within five days of onset. At least for us it was a zero copay. I don't know if that is because of Medicare or if everyone's insurance covers it. Some medications are contraindicated with Paxlovid and they ask you a bunch of questions about if you have kidney or liver issues.
The full story can be read at the Religion News Service site.
ReplyDeleteI would agree with Jack about the third factor; the nones are rising because the nones are rising. as he said in his comment, "... they have made leaving religion a mildly positive choice." What we are talking about is a kind of negative evangelism. And it makes me sad, because I get a lot of joy from the practice of faith. Obviously not everyone does. I could say that joy is a fruit of the Holy Spirit. Which it is. But negative experiences of religion are about people, either one's family members, or clergy and fellow religionists, who manage to suck every drop of joy out of the faith experience. And that is profoundly sad.
ReplyDeleteAnne said:
ReplyDeleteI don’t think western european dis-affiliation from organized religion is the reason that the various measures of societal health are better than in the US,
Some social scientists think some Western European countries are less religious because they have much better safety nets. Americans need to pray to God and find friends at Church because we don’t have as good a safety net.
Many social scientists have explained American religiosity on the voluntary nature of American society. Churches have to market themselves to people because they are not supported by government or by a rich aristocracy which endows benefices.
Recall that a lot of the abuses in the Church around the time of the reformation centered on benefices that had been endowed by the wealthy. The wealthy had their sons enter the priesthood so that they could obtain a benefice and its stream of wealth and use part of that to pay other priests to perform the duties of the benefice. These wealthy clerics lived at the courts of their wealthy relatives. One of the reforms of Trent was to mandate that bishops reside in their dioceses for most of the year.
Some interesting ideas there. Wealthy European countries are different in ways I hadn’t considered. It’s true that Western Europeans have far more economic security than Americans have. The extensive social safety nets pretty much ensure that few will end up as desperate for food, shelter and medical care as do many in America. When I visited our sister parish in the Dominican Republic years ago - in the poorest part of the country- I observed that the people we met had far more faith in God than did most of the parishioners in my professional-class home parish. We had too much, they had too little. Yet they believed that God would take care of them. They lived in one or two room shacks with dirt floors, a blanket on the floor for sleeping, a cooking pot, outdoor latrines (if the village was lucky enough to have latrines), no running water, and a lot of malnutrition from living on subsistence diets of rice, beans and onions. Infant and child mortality rates were horrendous. I met one woman who had given birth to 19 children. Only five survived to adulthood. Dying babies and children were common occurrences. The parish priest (30,0000 parishioners spread throughout the mountain villages) told us that he would welcome secular or Protestant NGOs who would provide birth control. He was not allowed to provide it in the small free pharmacy he had established with private donations from our Maryland parish and a couple of others ( his former parishes in Wisconsin). He told us that he got really tired of having funerals for babies. And sometimes for their mothers too. Perhaps these very poor people clung to faith because God was really their only hope.
DeletePerhaps too those whose basic needs are taken care of in wealthy countries, whether by the state’s social safety nets or from a personal level of wealth that is more than enough to survive on, feel that they have less need to turn to God for help.
One explanation for the decline of religion in the US in recent decades are all the financial and sexual scandals. There have been plenty of them especially in the mega-churches as well as Catholicism.
ReplyDeleteIt seems to me that this author/researcher isn’t really taking a long view, either backwards or forward. He’s focused on just a few decades. There are others who have a different perspective ") Among relatively recent books are Harvey Cox's book "The Future of Faith" (Yes ' he's the God is Dead guy of the 60s. He's mellowed a bit - "God may be dead for us, but he doesn't have to be for our children," Harvey G. Cox, ),Diana Butler Bass in “Christianity After Religion: The End of Church and the Birth of a New Spiritual Awakening”, Phyllis Tickle in “The Great Emergence: How Christianity Is Changing and Why”, Brian McClaren in “A New Kind of Christianity”, etc. There are more, but these are among those that I remember the best.
ReplyDeleteRichard Rohr’s Center for Action and Contemplation recently had a conference (online summit) on the future of christianity. Apparently it's available on YouTube but I haven't watched it yet. There have been daily meditations on the subject for the last week or so from the CAC. RR's own meditation on Returning to Our Roots was of great interest to me. In many ways it seems that christianity today bears little relationship to the movement Jesus founded - known then as The Way. It was not a church, nor an institution of any kind, but a Way of living, a way of Being, as described in the gospels. No doctrines, no dogma, no ritual, beyond the table - a real table where people shared real food, and no priests were needed.
Anne, do you feel that The Way has been subordinated by the Church in some way?
DeleteNot to be argumentative, but Roman Catholicism has a long tradition of religious rules in monastic life and intentional communal living that are inspired by The Way.
I do think parish life can be pretty arid and dominated by people who love bureaucracy and rigmarole. I tried to go along with it for 20 years, but since the pandemic, I am not interested in going back there. I don't like those people, they were never nice to my kid, and all they've got to share on Sunday are homilies full of platitudes and sports metaphors, terrible music, and whatever viruses are circulating.
Incorporating prayer and meditation into the rhythm of daily life seems more important to me. Prayer on getting up, prayer before cooking a meal, prayer before taking my pills, prayer for when I see something upsetting.
I wish I could see Sunday Mass as the apex of worship. But it just seems pointless to me.
Jean, yes, I believe that the institution actively subordinated The Way, for lay Catholics especially. Women religious are also lay Catholics. In monasteries and convents the authorities had absolute control. But lay Catholics could not be trusted to follow the Way taught by Jesus without clerical supervision. They might actually pray and think and eventually come to conclusions that aren’t approved in the catechism.
DeleteCatholicism (and Orthodoxy and Anglicanism to a lesser degree) has a long tradition of communal living and formally articulated rules - a form of The Way. Each order defines their own. But all must be approved by the powerful in Rome. However I don’t think that the voluntary embrace of this form of christian living has ever been taught well to the 99.9% of the church who are lay Catholics. As you note,
Incorporating prayer and meditation into the rhythm of daily life seems more important to me. Prayer on getting up, prayer before cooking a meal, prayer before taking my pills, prayer for when I see something upsetting….. I wish I could see Sunday Mass as the apex of worship. But it just seems pointless to me.
The emphasis on transsubstantiation, and making Sunday mass attendance an “ obligation“, are ways of making mass the “apex”. And even though the house churches of early Christianity shared the bread and wine without the need of an ordained priest to say the words, at some point (probably starting with Ignatius of Antioch in the early second century CE) the followers of Jesus began to stray from the way to create a hierarchy of officials who would decide who could celebrate the Eucharist, and where. Once Constantine decided that the persecuted Christians could be recruited to form the backbone of his army in his quest of empire it was pretty much all over for having the church follow The Way.
Transsubstantiation as a justification for the requirement to have a priest to oversee the sharing of bread and wine - for obligatory mass to be the apex of worship - doesn’t really work for some of us - those who don’t accept this doctrine. Wouldn’t gathering with a few close spiritual companions each week to pray together, read the scriptures, talk about them - and the spiritual life and it’s challenges - sharing bread and wine “in memory” of him be far more meaningful for many than gathering with hundreds of others, mostly strangers, for the mostly rote ritual that is mass?
When I was first introduced to Centering Prayer I was shocked to learn that the church’s officialdom had deliberately discouraged meditation as a form of prayer for lay Catholics. Many conservative Catholics today, including some bishops and dioceses, actually warn Catholics to stay away from CP. Before Vatican II Catholics were actively discouraged from reading the Bible on their own. Prayer was limited to memorized rote prayers and the mass. The response of conservative Catholics since Vatican II cracked open a window to try to get a fresh breeze, to let in the Holy Spirit, has been to try to nail it shut, to return to the closed ways of thinking and praying, and especially to obedience to the absolute control by the clergy that had characterized the church since the time of Constantine.
The religious women’s orders embraced VII far more enthusiastically than did the men. That is why they eventually attracted the negative attention of the powerful in Rome that produced the “ investigation”. Their independent decision making did not please the men. The loss of the almost free labor of religious women that had created and propped up the Catholic educational system in the US was highly disruptive to their system. Not to mention that the women’s religious orders hold many millions in assets, especially in property. If the men could find a pretext to take control of these orders then they could control the financial assets as well.
I wonder if the conservative ones realize that the rosary and Divine Mercy chaplet are forms of meditation. Not to mention Lectio Divina.
DeleteI wonder if the religious orders still have many assets. They have had to spend them down taking care of their elderly members.
Thanks for your response.
DeleteAs a Cradle Catholic, your sense of things comes from an insider's perspective.
I do believe in the Real Presence and have a generally orthodox outlook, but probably in the Anglican sense that is not up to snuff by Catholic standards.
I don't think that the liturgy or the hierarchy necessarily intends it, but parish worship focuses on drawing in of the elite and worthy, and reinforcing their identities as Catholics; rather than a sending forth of Christians who want to bring God's love to the world in some bumbling fashion.
I see that in other denominations, of course. There was a joke our old Episcopal priest used to tell, that Protestants worshipped the Bible, Catholics worshipped the BVM, and Anglicans worshipped their own good taste.
Cont. Catholicism is bleeding out. Based on comments I read at America and in random Catholic sites, the “authentic” Catholics are fine with this. They see themselves as the faithful remnant and will be happy when the church is purged of the millions who aren’t “real” Catholics.
DeleteBut those who do fret about the bleeding out seem to mostly overlook the amazing “tools” they have at hand to give to Catholics in order to help them on the spiritual journey. Catholicism is rich in practices and traditions to guide the spiritual life, but few parishes take advantage of them. Instead they rely on a couple of traditional devotional practices like the rosary and adoration, or look at “new” programs like Coming Home or Alpha, adopted from the conservative wing of Anglicanism.
When I was in grad school we were assigned a book about economic development in poor countries that went against the then-conventional wisdom that mostly promoted huge infrastructure projects. It was called “Small is Beautiful” by EF Schumacher. “Schumacher ..was an…economist ..best known for his proposals for human-scale, decentralised and appropriate technologies.” (Wiki) It is an easy read even for non- economists. I still have my copy because it opened my eyes to realizing how economic development projects may fail because they are too big. I think that some of his ideas may also apply to religion. Catholicism is too big and has lost sight of who the church is - the people in the pews.
Small group Bible studies are a start, but there are so many other opportunities for small groups that are ignored by most Catholic parishes. Those who are inspired by the rosary may not be inspired by the Office. Those who do Bible study might not take to Lectio. So many ways of praying besides the memorized Our Father, Hail Mary and the Act of Contrition. The traditional prayers and observances (like the rosary) are fine but are limited and limiting. What not teach also the Divine Office? Why not have spiritual book clubs? Why not teach CP and Lectio? Why not offer the Ignatian Spiritual Exercises? Why not teach adult Ed classes in the parish on the major forms of spirituality (Benedictine, Franciscan, Jesuit and Dominican)? Why not reacquaint Catholics to the reasons for many spiritual practices such as fasting, liturgical seasons, etc? Most Catholic parishes provide minimal - rote- education on the Why of these practices (but usually omit the contemplative practices) - but never really engage their parishioners with them.
Some years I was in a small group book study in my EC parish? The group included one former Catholic (me) one cradle Episcopalian, and several people from other Protestant backgrounds, mostly conservative traditions like Baptist. I was surprised that most of them were not familiar with these practices. And I was surprised to realize that while I had known of them, practiced most as part of the routine of Catholicism, I had never thought about them very much until reading this book. It is very down to earth and practical for non- theologians- IOW most Christians. The author, Brian McLaren, is a progressive pastor and writer who came out of an evangelical tradition. The book is called “Finding Our Way Again- The Return of the Ancient Practices.” Catholics have always had them, but in my experience, few really understand or appreciate them.
The reliance on obligatory mass attendance no longer works, yet people are spiritually hungry. Since the organized churches don’t answer their questions, nor provide the spiritual guidance and nourishment they need in the modern world they try to find their own way as SBNRs. Or in eastern religions, mostly Buddhism. They read on their own, they know what Jesus taught and know that a good bit of what Christian churches focus on is not the gospels. They receive little guidance in living the Way. The emphasis is on “right” belief not on practice - not on following the Way - as Jean notes, “ incorporating prayer into the rhythm of daily life”. Nor on living the commands to Love.
Jean, as you know from your EC experience, some other Christian denominations do teach the Real Presence, but do not define it in terms of transsubstantiation.
DeleteKatherine, the now retired pastor of my last RC parish (the one I moved to after the arrival of the first JPII priest in my previous parish of 30 years) reintroduced Adoration a couple of years before he retired. He told me that it was to try to teach parishioners the power of the prayer of silence - of meditation- by using a traditional practice. He hoped some would move beyond memorized rote prayer. The rosary can also be a form of meditation, but usually isn’t taught that way outside of the traditional ways of meditating on the prescribed mysteries. Also in danger of becoming rote. He thought that since these are traditional practices that more people might do them than are willing to try practices like CP, even though it is also an ancient traditional form of prayer. There is still a CP group at that parish though, even though the leadership now is pretty conservative. But CP was getting a bad rap from the conservative wing of the church when the former pastor brought back Adoration. Unfortunately, I can’t see a monstrance without thinking of Indiana Jones, so Adoration puts me off a bit. I prefer CP.
One of the fun side effects of the cancer is migraine headaches. A monstrance looks exactly like the spiky aura you get blocking your vision before a big one hits. I can't look at them.
DeleteHowever Oliver Sacks, the famous neuroscientist, wrote an essay positing that migraine auras inspired Hildegard of Bingen's mandorla art. If everything comes from God and I were a saint, I would be able to parlay some of this misery into beauty. Alas, often I can only sit and bitch about it.
Isn't the atomization of society part of it? People don't want to belong to anything. Is the exodus from churches related to the weakening of unions and unionization? I don't think people want their personal identities coupled with group identities anymore. It's just another burdening commitment. Of course, there's a vacuum. That is filled by mutations such as Trumpism and Oathkeepers. At least they feel they belong to something. For most others, it's "live and let live" which is another way of saying we don't give a fig newton.
ReplyDeleteGood point about atomization, Stanley. People don't need one another as much to survive as they used to. Or at least they perceive it that way.
DeleteI have mixed reactions to this concern. I tend to be more of a loner than a joiner. When younger I sometimes joined a group because I felt that I was “ supposed” to, only to quit it fairly quickly. My mother was always pushing me to join groups, from Girl Scouts on. That was her personality, but it isn’t mine. She was an extrovert, loved social activity and groups. Her sorority sisters were all very close throughout their entire lives. I am an introvert and was miserable trying to be the person she wanted me to be. I am fine bowling alone, or with only one or two others. It didn’t help that my four older sibs were also extroverts. I was a big disappointment to her!
DeleteI stayed with my Catholic parishes for decades, mostly because I was able to be involved with the social justice ministries, especially our twinning relationship with the poor parish in the Dominican Republic. It wasn’t the church itself that held me as much as it was the particular ministry there. After a while I declined most invitations to join groups and simply found other individuals who shared interests and concerns. I haven’t been to church in four years. Our wonderful rector retired, and there have been unending problems since, compounded by Covid. A new permanent rector started a week ago, so we may go back to see what he will do. He has a dynamite resume on paper. But it will be interesting to see how the parish reacts to having an openly gay rector.There are a lot of Catholic priests who are gay, but this EC priest has a husband. He called this week and left a voicemail. I guess he’s trying to touch base with everyone as he works to rebuild the parish. I look forward to meeting him. It had three liturgies every Sunday before Covid. Now it has only one and their pledge drive is very short of the goal. He is facing a huge challenge. I am praying for his success.
We live in a culture that lauds John Gault: Work your butt off, pay your own way, don't complain, and die before you're a burden to others.
DeleteI think American Christianity promotes Galtism to the extent white Christians are tied up with right wing morality. The only helpless lives I see Christians having much compassion for are fetal lives. The sick, the mentally retarded, and the feeble just repulse everybody. The homeless, the pregnant out of wedlock, the addicts, those on the dole--they have something wrong with their moral compass.
Finding the "deserving" poor always crops up this time of year as the local churches start vetting people to receive the food baskets and toys. Even my much loved Methodist Ladies aren't above this.
I was lucky. My mom was an extrovert and would have liked it if I joined stuff like Scouts and 4 H. And church camp. But Dad was an introvert and interceded on my behalf when I didn't want to. Both of them backed me when I refused to join pep club, which was de rigeur for girls in the 60s. I thought it was funny when one of my great- aunts took Dad aside and told him that sometimes you have to make kids do what they don't want to, "for their own good".
DeleteKatherine, my dad was an introvert, but he was not around much when I was young. I barely knew him. My parents separated when I was 10. Once when my mother was particularly exasperated with me for refusing an activity that she wanted me to do, she said (very sharply) “You are just like your father.” It was definitely not a compliment!
DeleteI was in music extracurriculars because I enjoyed that. I didn't see any point to putting up with pep club because I could care less about sports. But teachers and coaches would guilt you for not showing sufficient school spirit. I said, well you never see the jocks showing up for the music concerts, so why do we need to go to all the games?
DeleteKatherine, music was my high school activity, freely chosen. I sang in the choir and also in two small groups - a madrigal group and a group of nine girls called The Triple Trio. Singing kept me sane in high school. I still miss it. And I am still friends with three women from high school choir days, and we visit our music teacher when we can too. The last time I saw him was pre- Covid, but the California friends try to visit him at least once/ year. He has been very lonely since his wife died about 5 years ago. He’s 94 now. He was so popular with the students that he managed to recruit a bunch of the jocks to join the choir! Our (public) school was so small (about 300 students) that there wasn’t an enormous pool of potential choristers, but he managed to attract a lot of kids. And we were good - competing against the big city schools “down the hill” (that’s how we referred to the cities at the bottom of our 5000’ mountain) at festivals and often winning. He pulled the best out of all of us.
DeleteWell rats. I managed to catch Covid from my DH. I suppose it was only a matter of time. So far no worse than a bad cold. But I'm going to try to score some Paxlovid.
ReplyDeleteOh, geez. Hoping for a speedy recovery. Continued prayers.
DeleteSorry to hear this; hope you have a quick recovery.
DeleteGet better soon, Katherine.
DeleteHope that you and your husband both feel better very soon. Christmas is coming!
ReplyDeleteI think we are improving! We had to cancel going to a couple of Christmas parties. The bad part is I'm not even sorry about that.
DeleteGlad you are feeling better.
DeleteKatherine, glad you are better. We gave up Christmas parties about 30 years ago! Since you are an introvert I’m sure that you welcome an excuse to miss some parties. Is your husband also an introvert ? As a deacon he probably has some pressure on him to make the rounds.
DeleteI am slowly recovering from a horrendous cold and bronchitis. I hadn’t had a cold of any kind since before Covid, but our grandsons from Colorado arrived at our family thanksgiving in California bearing viruses. It’s been running through the rest of the family ever since. I had forgotten how miserable even colds can be.
Colds are miserable too! Yeah, kids are little petri dishes for germs.
DeleteMy husband is what might be called ambidextrous. He can be either an introvert or an extrovert. He doesn't really like events such as big parties. But he is fine with things such as jail ministry and visiting the homebound or bereaved.