Not long ago Jean Raber posted her list of novels featuring older persons (Old-adult fiction: Go, Went. Gone.). She asked for additions to her list.
That sent me to our shelves to find David Lodge's novel, Deaf, which I reread. While I was there with my dust rage [that should be RAG, but there's probably some truth in the mistake], I took down How Far Can You Go? his 1980 novel covering the fifties, sixties, and seventies among a group of young English women and men. I reread that too, and was quite taken with Lodge's acumen in tackling sex, Humanae Vitae, and English Catholics.. All of Lodge's other novels and all of his lit crit are on the shelf as well (freshly dusted).
The 1968 anniversary of HV coming up made me sit down and write something, now on-line at Commonweal: How Far Have We Gone.
So thank you, Jean.... Would anyone be interested in co-authoring a novel called Accumulation: Why?
Thank you for the article, Margaret. I find the stories of JF Powers, which take place mostly in preVat2 Midwest, more indicative of Catholic attitudes than, as you note, polling.
ReplyDeleteWhile I am not among them, I find people like Lodge, Powers, and Flannery O'Connor, who seem able to see beyond the turbulent waters on the surface of the Church and into the quieter and more profound deeps.
I am now in Kingsley Amis's "The Old Devils," a study of a group of dreadful Welsh 60-somethings. At least, I find them dreadful, but most of them seem to be reflections of Amis's own alcoholism, enthusiastic infidelity, and self-absorption. It's kind of a tiresome read. Muriel Spark handled similar characters with economy in her novellas to better effect.
Accumulation: Why? One of the sad and depressing things about liquidating my mother's estate has been contemplating the sheer volume and type of acquisitions we are now trying to dispose of, and what all that stuff and it's storage patterns revealed about her ... and what my own uncharitable thoughts and resentments about it reveal about me. Rumination enough for a lifetime.
Nice article, Margaret. Do you know whether Souls and Bodies was reviwed by Commonweal when it was published? I searched for "David Lodge Souls and Bodies" in the Commonweal archive, and there were hits for Christmas book recommendations for 1982 and 1983, but not being (as far as I know) an archive subscriber, I wasn't able to go any deeper. Sorry for not being clear on this, but I don't know whether you were affiliated with Commonweal in those days? I don't think I started subscribing until the early 1990s, or it may have been later in the 1980s.
ReplyDeleteI suspect that, if Francis relaxes the hard-and-fast rules in Humanae Vitae, it will be bigger news for Catholics beyond child-bearing years. I truly don't know to what extent it is even known and understood among Catholics in their prime child-bearing years. I suspect "not very much" is the response to both. I also suspect that there are sets of Catholics in that age bracket who are passionately opposed to HV and passionately devoted to it, but that each constitutes a very small minority.
Commonweal published an excerpt in November 1980, "By the Waters of Disneyland," the story of Sister Ruth's journey to America...quite amusing and, to my memory, captures a distinctive turn in the U.S. Catholic church.
DeleteYou are right, I think, to doubt that much would come of any change by Francis in the lives of most Catholics of any generation at this point. But HV certainly created strife among many (perhaps most) adult Catholics, including the clergy. Those effects have lingered not in the matter of contraception, but in the attitude of many older cradle Catholics toward authority. It is quiet an achievement for those who became adult Catholics... while too many, it seems are arrested at the adolescent stage--left in the lurch.
Pope Francis isn't going to relax Humanae Vitae, because the Cardinal Burke and Cardinal Sarah types would pitch an embolism. They already were in rebellion mode over the notion of admitting people to Communion who were divorced and remarried without dotting their i's and crossing their t's.
DeleteThe laity of childbearing age already relaxed Humanae Vitae; at least the majority of them. My observation is that the younger married Catholics fall into two camps: the ones who elect to make their own decisions with regard to family planning, and the ones who go by-the-book NFP and have a lot of kids. Which is great, if they're happy with it. Unfortunately there is a third group, who feel obligated to follow the Church's teaching but are having health, financial, psychological, or other problems; and aren't dealing well with NFP's sometimes unpredictability.
Katherine - I would propose a friendly wager with you if I thought you were the wagering type and if I had a way of paying off. Because I think it is very likely that Francis is going to relax or qualify the prohibition of contraception. The pathway was laid in Amoris Laetitia: drawing upon the discussion and debates of the synod, he will first affirm traditional Catholic teaching regarding sex and procreation, and urge Catholic families to be generous in having children. He will then acknowledge the hardships and suffering that an unconsidered obedience to the church on this topic has brought about, such as situations in which a pregnancy would endanger the life of the wife, or if one of the partners has a venereal disease. He will acknowledge that much good theological reflection and work has been done since 1968 on these problems and complications. And finally, he will tell us that the use of contraception will become a matter of careful discernment, to be done with a priest who accompanies the couple. It may be that it would be permitted in certain circumstances, but he will not offer an across-the-board blessing of contraception.
DeleteWhenever forecasting what Francis will do, I always add the qualifier that Francis is full of surprises, but that is my prediction.
Jim, I see it more developing in a "don't ask, don't tell" direction. In fact, that's how it already is for the most part in the USA. The thing is, to either practice NFP, or to do mutual discernment of another method presupposes an equality of the spouses which exists here and in other "first world" places. It doesn't exist in some developing countries. Think the Philippines, where the Church adamantly opposed expanding contraceptive availability. Or places in Africa where HIV is endemic. That is justly seen as not supporting the rights of women, and it's going to be difficult to walk back the hard-line position without admitting that a teaching sometimes "evolves".
DeleteI'm with Katherine. The pope may be ready for some kind of discernment process that would admit to the use of artificial contraception in some circumstances, but there are too many bishops, priests, and laity pushing NFP who would feel betrayed by such a change.
DeleteI guess you could mitigate this if you had some kind of special indulgence for folks who practice NFP. That way you could stave off the "you mean we did all this for nothing!?" response.
Just looking at discernment from a practical standpoint, there are far too many couples who will need accompaniment than priests to accompany them.
My guess is that, in lieu of accompaniment, there would be some type of couples class with workbooks and tests run by Church Ladies with a few pop-in visits from Father, which seems to be the way everything rolls now.
But I think the flock scattered on this issue long ago. You have a generation of Catholics who married after Vat2 and the sexual revolution who have either left the Church on this issue or made their peace with living outside teaching on this issue.
A real challenge here is what to tell converts who have long practiced birth control or who had sterilization procedures and want to enter the Church.
Re:previous sterilization, anything I've read says there is no obligation to try to reverse it. What's done is done. I've never understood why some people think it's any worse than other contaception, it's basically a barrier method. As far as altering bodily integrity, so do piercings, tattoos, gastric bypass, and cosmetic surgeries.
DeleteI don't think "don't ask / don't tell" is intellectually or morally tenable. If women need to hide what they're doing from their husbands, then that is something else that the church needs to speak out about. We'd hope that a synod, at least under Francis, would provide an opportunity for the participants to hash through these real-life situations. We saw quite a bit of that during the last synodal process on the family.
DeleteFrancis will lay a foundation of teaching. But it may take a generation or so of bishops and priests (many of whom came into ministry during the time of JPII and Benedict) to embrace it. We are seeing that with the teaching on communion for non-Catholics - quite a few bishops aren't buying into the new way of thinking. But new bishops will come along. Three just got appointed from my archdiocese - they're all about my age (they're all 50-60 years old, which is young for a bishop), and that means that they have my generation's viewpoint and experiences; and more importantly, all three have significant parish/pastoral background. By contrast, Cardinal George's career was as a seminary instructor and then a religious-order bureaucrat based in Rome. As long as Francis is pope, continue to look for appointments of bishops and cardinals who have the smell of the sheep on them.
Jim, when I spoke of an equality of spouses not existing in some cultures and places, I wasn't speaking so much of women hiding what they are doing from their husbands as an attitude of entitlement on the part of the men. With NFP at least, the man has to be on board with sometimes putting his wife's needs first and delaying his own desires. That is perhaps something the church could address, but meanwhile the women are in a difficult position.
DeleteApropos of "Accumulation: Why?", I have been reading lately of the Swedish concept of döstädnin, or death cleaning. Said this article:
ReplyDelete“Getting rid of items can serve as a reminder that things don’t last forever, including us,...Going through all of your things can serve as a reminder of who you are, how you see yourself and how you want others to see you after your death — your legacy...Plus, there’s the practical aspect that eventually someone will need to deal with all your stuff, whether that’s you while you’re still able to — or your loved ones after you’re gone, adds David J. Ekerdt, PhD, Professor of Sociology and Gerontology in the Sociology, Life Span Institute at University of Kansas."
I don't know that I want to call it "death cleaning" just yet; but I have started to think about why I am keeping some of our stuff. I like to go to flea markets and have an accumulation of vintage things, like depression glass. Some of it is family keepsakes, and some not. I have started asking the kids what they would like to have. But I don't want to give all of it up while I still enjoy it. However I can't take any of it with me.
Yes, have read about Death Cleaning. I am doing some of my own as I liquidate my mother's estate. Two-death Cleaning. I think we need to caution our children about starting "collections" and leaving diaries.
DeleteOur kids won't have diaries. They'll just have an electronic trail of Twitter etc. I have saved a lot of letters. Most of the people who wrote them aren't on this earth anymore. Wonder how they'll do research for biographies, etc. if no one has letters or journals? Maybe youtube selfie videos.
DeleteRe: Discernment and Francis reopening the discussion. It wouldn't hurt the generation of today's baby-bearers to do a little more discerning, whether or not they're "Catholic." A careful thoughtfulness about sex, sexual partners, activities, marriage and children would redound to the whole culture, or at least ours.
DeleteCould Francis possibly frame this in a way that doesn't depend only on what the Church teaches and doesn't, but what women and men need for their own integrity. I know single motherhood is here to stay but women would do themselves a favor to think about what it requires for themselves and their children before they are overrun by sexual fantasies and desires, ditto men, of course.
There is a homeless "hotel" shelter across the street and however wonderful social services may think it is, it is a testament to sexual idiocy and a detriment to children.
Margaret, I couldn't agree with you more about the need for more careful discernment in sexual matters. Indeed, "...what men and women need for their own integrity."
DeleteI admire a lot of single mothers for their tenacity and sacrifice, but I also know that behind them lurks some guy whom they ought to have known better than to take up with, usually one who needs to be in a 12-step program or jail.
DeleteAlso in the background are grandparents who have to take on lots of extra responsibilities supporting the daughters choice.
A big problem is that many young people just don't believe in forever marriages because their parents didn't. And staying together at least long enough to get the kids settled as adults seems to be viewed as out-moded, even though there are more marriages out there like this than people might think.
Commonweal just posted an old guy short story by Rand Richard Cooper. I enjoyed it. Seems to relate to part of this thread concerning death cleaning.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the suggestion, Stanley. I enjoyed the story, too. Being a visual person I also liked the Glackens painting of Hartford at the top of the story.
DeleteI missed the painting, Katherine, so thanks for the direction.
DeleteRe: accumulation and death cleaning. My husband is a bit of a pack rat. I am not. I have worked hard for 45+ years to help him keep his pack-rat tendencies under control, but he still has WAY more stuff than I would like him to have. But it is more or less under control.
ReplyDeleteMy husband's parents were terrible pack-rats. Everything was neat and tidy - not hoarders, but they were pack-rats. I grew up in a very small house in a family of 7. My mother was NOT a pack-rat. She couldn't be with 7 in a 1000 or less sq ft, 2 BR, 1 bath house. It was in Calif., so we played outside and we did have a 2 car garage. My husband grew up in a family of 6, in a large home with 5 bedrooms, basement, garage and small barn, on 3/4 acre - lots of room to pack-rat in. My husband's parents moved to a 2 br apt in a life-care community 3 years before they died (managing to wrangle 3 storage lockers instead of one). That forced them to get rid of a whole lot of stuff. It took them (and my husband's weekends) six months to clear out the house.
But there was still a lot packed into that apt and storage rooms when they died (both of cancer) - in Jan 91 (his mom) and Feb 91 (his dad). The "death-cleaning" of their final home still took a whole lot of time.
1991 continued to be a bad year. In Oct, my mother died - an aneurysm out of the blue. Cleaning out her 2 br apt to sell it was a piece of cake. She had mostly empty closets and drawers, only keeping those things she really needed and really liked. We 5 kids saved a few things for sentimental reasons, because none had monetary value. Small things only. I was so appreciative, having dealt with my in-laws' move from their big house 3 years before their deaths, and then helping my husband and his sister with the apt they lived in before they died early in 91. I thanked my mother in heaven countless times, and vowed that I would try to be like my mom, make things easy on our kids. If I were single, I would sell our large home of 45 years, and also get rid of at least 95% of the furniture and a few sentimental objects.
During the years my in-laws were alive I developed a strong antipathy to things - at least to too many things. I came to see that their possessions seemed to own them, instead of the reverse - too much furniture, too many dishes, too many glasses, too many tchotchkes - too much everything, ranging from valuable antiques to pure junk - such as the biggest collection of twist-ties from bread wrappers I have ever seen. Not to mention dozens of old gallon milk and juice jugs in the basement. And nine broken lawnmowers. Among other things.
I am slowly cleaning out our stuff, or at least my stuff. And the sons' stuff. I'm shipping cartons of their stuff to Calif as I work. I recently went through a box of old letters of mine to my mother, and letters of friends to me. I have weeded out some due to boredom or due to wanting to keep my youth private from my kids through all eternity! I never kept a journal, as was often suggested to me. It would not have been honest, because I would have worried that I would be hit by a car and my loved ones would read it and be upset at learning some of my "true" feelings during difficult times, mostly with my in-laws, but sometimes with my sons! Wonderful as they are, they presented challenges now and then. ;)
So, death-cleaning. I'm starting with paper. When we move someday, the furniture and china and crystal and etc will go. The children don't want antiques, nor do they want fine crystal and china and silver that has to be hand washed. I will ask them first, of course, before donating. They may want a memento or two. I have told them that they should not feel any guilt whatsoever if they just call an estate sales person and unload every single thing in the house. I would feel liberated if I could do it myself, but I can't, because of my husband. I love him, so I have to keep his stuff too.
Ah, the drawer full of twisty ties! The neighbor kid took them to make a decorative chain for his room.
DeleteThe estate sale lady told me that crystal, china, and silver would not sell. I found an artist who makes really cool sculpture and jewelry out of old silverware, and donated it to her. In exchange, she made me five nice bracelets for the girls in the family.
The Salvation Army wanted all the winter coats for the winter coat drive.
If I had the time, it would be fun to match up this stuff with people who really want it. But we need to get the house emptied and sold while the market is still hot.
To corrupt Sartre: Hell is other people's stuff.
"The estate sale lady told me that crystal, china, and silver would not sell." That is too bad; I'm sure that's true. Mealtimes are a liturgy of sorts, and I think it is good to once in a while do "Solemn High". I have rarely eaten a meal at my kids' homes which wasn't paper or plastic, or take-out. Which doesn't matter, the important thing was to be together. But they like it when they come to my house and we set the table with a real tablecloth, and get out the Noritake and stemmed glassware. When we were young and poor I told myself that we weren't poor because we were eating hamburger helper on pretty dishes. The best wedding present we had was the set of Michelangelo stainless flatware. We have used the stuff every day for 46 years. It has been through the dishwasher, lost and found under couch cushions, and still looks brand new.
DeleteRE: Birth control. The ban on modern contraception struck me as ludicrous long before I needed to use it. According to the data, about 90-95% of Catholic women use modern birth control during their marriages, I doubt many have worried much about it during the last 50 years. If using NFP is central to Catholicism, then there aren't many "real" Catholics out there, and haven't been for a very long time.
ReplyDeleteI will hit 70 this year, my Catholic friends from college days on pretty much ignored HV from the beginning, as many married not too long after HV was published. I know of only one couple among my lifelong Catholic friends who really tried NFP (or maybe it was still rhythm - even worse) and they felt the stress of trying to use it was damaging their marriage, so gave up. It is a deeply anti-woman teaching, as most women's libido peaks during the fertile period. But, I guess the men think that women shouldn't actually enjoy sex - they should just engage in it to procreate, as Augustine made so clear. Giving up and using modern birth control didn't destroy their marriage (or any of the many other (pill/barrier/sterilization using)Catholic marriages I know that are now all approaching 45-50 years). They are still married 46 years later. As are almost all of the others, even though they used modern birth control during their marriages from day 1 (and sometimes from before day 1).
The pope warned of many dire consequences that would occur if it was too easy to avoid pregnancy, some of which may have occurred. Some people misuse the convenience of modern birth control to live promiscuous lives, or are unfaithful. Neither were unknown before the pill.
Punishing committed married couples through this teaching because some people abused the privilege of having reliable birth control easily available makes as much sense as denying all people food, because some are gluttons and become unhealthily obese, or denying everyone a beer or glass of wine because some abuse alcohol, or denying everyone some medications because some people abuse those medications.
The teaching was wrong. It still is. Too bad the church does not have enough humility to admit it should have listened to all those married people whose lived experiences swayed the birth control commission bishops to recommend changing the teaching. Now few listen to the church on any matters related to sexual morality.
A classic example of hubris?
Old people novel fitting Jean's criteria: Our Souls at Night by Kent Haruf. It is his final novel written while he was dying of lung cancer. It takes place on Colorado's Eastern Plains in the small town where Haruf's other novels were set. Two elderly neighbors whose spouses passed years ago come together out of loneliness at first, then the relationship becomes something more. It is a great book. It is also a great movie (92% on Rotten Tomatoes) starring Jane Fonda & Robert Redford. Okay, Jane and Robert do not look like your typical seniors, but they are both in their 80s in real life, so there should be points for that.
ReplyDeleteYes, I have that on my book list! No, won't be watching the movie.
DeleteI didn't know it was a movie, will have to check into it. I haven't read the book, even though I liked all of Haruf's other books. Guess I was being a little chicken; afraid it might resemble stuff going on in real life too much.
DeleteThings: I like to think I don't accumulate (because we have 4 people living in a 1 bedroom apartment), but I just noticed this morning that we have 5 coffeemakers: a stovepot percolator, a drip, two Keurigs and a bodum press. And My elder daughter keeps talking about getting a Nespresso. I think we can lose two of these when she goes to college next month; I'll foist one of the Keurigs on her and the Bodum is hers. The Bodum comes with its own matching mug, like we don't have enough of those already.
ReplyDeleteIrene - we have at least three coffee makers - two Keurigs and a Mr. Coffee. As well as a tea kettle that permanently occupies one of the burners on our range top, as my wife likes those flavored coffee mixes like Hazelnut Cafe and one of the girls drinks tea.
Deletee
Now that we're sending kids off to college, they need things like coffee makers and toasters and microwaves (well, I don't know if they *need* them - my dorm room never had that stuff; most high-tech things we had were a black and white TV with rabbit ears and a typewriter). And then they bring them back with them for the summer. We've reached the point where we've needed to get a storage locker; the garage* has been too full of storage bins to park a car in it for 10+ years
* Many houses in our town, including ours, have attached one-car garages. Our subdivision was built in 1960. I guess the builders just missed the two-car family thing. The town is considered desirable because the schools are good and it's on a suburban train line, but virtually all of the lots already are occupied with houses, so developers are now buying the '60's era-ranch houses like ours and doing "tear-downs" - buying the ranch houses and building McMansions in their place. Those are five bedroom homes with three car garages. I guess that's what suburban gentrification looks like. Around our neighborhood there are entire blocks of houses that now are rows of McMansions, interrupted here and there by old ranch houses.
We have a one-car garage that is too full to park a car in, a one-car-width driveway that is nearly but not quite long enough to park two vehicles but we do it anyway, and five drivers in the household, with a sixth scheduled to start driver's ed on Monday. If our kids want more vehicles, they can move out and buy their own. :-)
Geez, now that I think about it, we have three coffee gizmos: A Mr. Coffee, a Bodum for tea, and a cold brew rig. That cold brew thing takes up too much room on the counter, and the Bodum could be used for the same purpose, though doesn't hold as much. Time to give the Bodum to The Boy, I think.I
DeleteWe were down to one car, but I bought my mother's Marc Grand Marquis LS from the estate so I could drive the 50 miles to her house and do estate things.
I plan to sell it when the estate is closed.
Or paint it candy apple red with flames on the side and get a vanity plate that says "BLU HAIR."
I haven't decided.
Jean, I like your candy spple red with flames idea!
DeleteKeep it (the car). You can blast out this oldie as you "tool" down the road
ReplyDeletehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fYxPgFUjDpA
Hahaha! There is nobody meaner than the little old lady from Pasedena. How appropriate. I will have to put together a nice driving mix to put in the CD player. This one for sure, even though that 2004 Merc has no four-speed dual quad positraction 409: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=GK3Ywltjwj0
DeleteMakes me think even farther back to my mom's '79 Chrysler New Yorker with the 8 track tape deck. My kids remember her playing Roger Miller tapes when they rode with her.
DeleteWe had a beat-up Jeep that we got when it became clear we needed to haul The Boy, four of his friends, and their various horns to musical functions. They used to make me crank up BR549 and sing "Hum-Dinger." Great times!
Deletehttps://m.youtube.com/watch?v=vAPNq7Kfk3I
Speaking above about young people eschewing china, flatware, etc., lately there has been a lot of media attention to the harm that all our disposable plastic crap is doing. It's littering the ocean, filling up the landfills, and choking sea creatures and wildlife. And has a longer half-life than strontium 90. So my prediction is that we are going to be rediscovering dishes that you wash, silverware, and glasses that aren't red solo cups. Maybe some young people will even decide they want to keep Grandma's heirloom dishes.
ReplyDeleteI am surprised that that stuff isn't covered at least by kids and grandkids. Isn't there a market for old China to replace broken pieces from other people's sets?
DeleteI wrote covered meant coveted.
Delete