I read this morning about a woman whose daily trash fits in a Mason jar. A dinky jar. The size cold cream comes in.
Bea Johnson, a Zero Waster, talks about the fact that a life spent reducing packaging and other trash is "a life based on experiences instead of things. A life based on being instead of having."
I confess to an ascetic streak, and Johnson's anti-materialism appeals to me.
Especially since next week we will go to my mother's to continue trying to empty her house of 60 years of accumulated stuff.
The city provides a free dumpster for four days. It will be interesting to see how much of a dent we actually make in the contents of Mom's house. In the three months since her death, family member have taken scores of boxes out of the place with little visible effect. Every trip up there fills me with increasing dread, anxiety, and resentment. Days of my life are being wasted on dealing with this stuff. I am angry a lot, and I pick fights with people who aren't helping enough.
On a less personal level, it occurs to me that the amount of stuff that people of just modest means like my parents were able to accrue is an indictment of American consumerism.
My parents tried to love their neighbors despite their flaws. My mother was a generous donor to causes she cares about. My dad did many small.kindnesses for people who came to his memorial service just to tell me so.
But in these days, loving your neighbor might include not filling up his landfills and oceans with stuff you don't need.
What steps are you taking to live a life based on "being instead of having," and what spiritual blessings have you discovered in the process?
For me, asceticism is part of it. Ecology is another part. A third part is that everytime I buy anything, it makes some damned billionaire richer. I still follow those principles when I can. But now that I'm taking care of my mother, I'll buy anything that makes things better or easier and don't give it a second thought. I have nestcams to keep an eye on things when I go out. I'll probably get one of those pricey toilet seats that does all the cleanup fir you. I may buy a whole new smart firebox tv to make it possible for my mother to change channels without a master's degree. Right now, I don't even want a tv or Amazon all over my life. I won't have to eventually clear my mother's house because we sold her house and all her stuff is in my house. As for me, the only stuff I don't want to get rid of includes chain saws, routers, drills, wrenches, etc. If it comes to that, I can always give it to somebody.
ReplyDeleteYou cannot scrimp if you're taking care of an elderly relative. However, my mother's bath seat, cane, walker, and other home care items were the first things I was able to unload on the local senior center.
DeleteOh, boy, I could use some therapeutic chain saw work right about now!
Remember, Jean, only use them on woody things.
DeleteLike the heads of some in-laws ...
DeleteHa ha, Michigan Chainsaw Massacre
DeleteJean, from what you said your mother's age was, she was a child of the Depression. As were my mother-in-law and father-in-law. My parents were, too; though they were younger than my in-laws, and it didn't seem to affect them as much. My in-laws' families went through a really rough time, to the extent that they didn't always have enough to eat. And one way it affected them is that they couldn't bear to throw anything away. It wasn't hoarder mentality exactly, but you could see it from there. And when my m.i.l. got sick and had to move into assisted living, it was a nightmare sorting out her stuff. At some point you just get crazy and pitch some of it, probably stuff I shouldn't have pitched. That's in the rear view mirror now. But I am still trying to figure out what to do with a suitcase load of photos that look over a hundred years old. There is no writing on them. My husband doesn't have a clue who they are. They may get pitched, too.
ReplyDeleteAs far as a "life based on being instead of having", I am sort of, kind of, doing some "death cleaning" of our stuff. I really suck at asceticism.
Katherine, You could at least scan those photos in. At some point, it may be possible for some internet AI to identify them based on other photos in cyberspace. Just a speculation.
DeleteGood suggestion, Stanley.
DeleteYes, children of the Depression. Have talked to friends from the neighborhood whose parents were the same. They weren't storing up for hard times as much as they had to scrimp as kids and enjoyed splurging in the more prosperous post-war years.
DeleteI found four local charities who will take almost everything: Home to Stay wants furniture for those transitioning from homeless shelters to permanent homes. Caregiving Network takes seasonal clothing and kitchen/bath items for those affected by disasters. Local library wants like-new hardback books for their fundraiser. Michigan prison book projects wants the paperbacks.
Doing my happy dance today that this stuff will be needed and used by people who really need it!
I think children of the depression could go either way. They either became Spendo the Great or watched every dime squeak past. As an example of the latter, one physicist who worked in my division in the seventies had a father who would not splurge on a telephone. Not growing up with a telephone, this guy had a hard time with phone conversations. He would make a business call and nervously say things like "Hello, I'm So & So. Is there a man there?".
Delete"Is there a man there." hahahaha. I miss party lines.
DeleteThat's good that you found some charities where the needy will benefit. St. Vincent de Paul, Goodwill, and Salvation Army took a lot of stuff for us. One thing I really had a hard time finding any takers for was certain types of furniture. I guess it wad too old to be cool, and too new to be antique. There was one really comfy upholstered rocking chair, about circa 1950, that I slipped the truck driver a 20 to get him to take it. My husband said, "Do you think St. Vinny's ever saw the money?" I said, " I could care less, it's out of my hair! " Oh, I really liked the charities that had a truck, and would come and get stuff.
DeleteYup, all of mine come with trucks. Our house was built in 1948, and I love that mid century modern stuff. If I can ever find an aqua poodle cloth sofa with gold Mylar threads, that baby is coming home with me!
DeleteHeloise (I think it was) said that when you move, you should store what you don't need right away and retrieve it as you need it. After five years, you should pitch out whatever is left in storage. We missed by a few years, but our attic is empty. I wish we had done that from the start of our married life.
ReplyDeleteMy uncle and his wife married when he was 80, and they did that. He moved into her home. After a year, whatever he had not needed from his house, they sold at a sale. I am hoping that this upcoming week of sorting and reaming my mother's house will be instructive for Raber, who tends to be a pack rat. My pleas to reduce this stuff falls on deaf ears, but possibly an appeal to not burdening The Boy after we are gone might work once he sees what a nightmare it is to have all this junk.
DeleteThe problem with attics, storage lockers and the like is that that stuff is out of site, out of mind. And then all of a sudden, 30 years have gone by and there is a 3/4" cake of dust on top of it.
DeleteHere's how we get rid of stuff:
* My wife puts it in a storage bin
* She asks me to put it in the garage
* I forget
* Two weeks later, I trip over it, curse, and demand, "What is this @#$%^?"
* She rolls her eyes and tells me what it is
* I toss it in the trunk and go to Goodwill
If I take it to the garage, that is a mistake: I plop it on top of other storage bins that are positioned so they don't impede my ability to take out the trash, find a snow shovel or do other garage activities. And then it sits there, possibly for the rest of our lives.
Jim, "out of sight, out of mind" is definitely part of our problem. We've been saying for years that we need to close out our storage locker. We needed it at the time, but now there's no reason to keep it. Except inertia.
DeleteStorage bins are evil. If I had just let junk like up willy nilly, Raber would have thrown it away. But NO. I couldn't stand the clutter, so I bought a bunch of bins. And now small insects are slowly eating his college papers inside there.
DeleteJean - I love the concept, although I find the concept daunting. I don't think I can make granola, much less butter. I can definitely do a better job remembering to bring the #$%^& reusable sacks with me to the grocery store.
ReplyDeleteWe recycle quite a bit of stuff. I think most of the waste we generate is food-related waste: banana peels, apple cores. I do throw away the paper packaging that meat from the butcher dept. comes in because I perceive that it's contaminated with raw meat. I throw away napkins after every meal - I have it stuck in my head that if there are food particles on an item, it's no longer recyclable.
There is a spirituality to all this, on a couple of levels. Most directly, there is the spirituality of Laudato Si, of which Thole and Johnson seem to be examplars (perhaps not intentionally so). But there is also an analogous sense: the sort of life transformations regarding waste are like the sorts of life changes that the saints have made - they are "all in" for a life of spiritual communion with God.
Granola and butter are EZ, Jim!
DeleteGranola:
Grease a pan
Mix 4 cups quick oats with 1 cup pumpkin seeds, raw almonds, sunflower seeds, coconut chips (or combination of all of the above)
In a bowl, mix 1/4 cup honey or maple syrup with 1/4 cup olive or canola oil. Whisk with a fork until thoroughly mixed. Pour over the oat mixture and stir.
Bake at 325 for 45 minutes, stirring every 15 minutes.
Throw in 1 cup raisins, dried cranberries, dried pineapple, chopped dates (or combination of above).
Stir, cool, and store in environmentally friendly container. Eat as snack or as breakfast cereal with milk. I have this on hand all the time.
Butter: Make whipped cream and just keep going. Whey (buttermilk) may form at the bottom of the mixing bowl. You can store buttermilk in the fridge and use it in pancakes. Scrape the butter into a jar.
I actually like mashed avocado on sandwiches and toast better than butter.
See, Jean, that's where I've gone wrong: when I've tried to make butter in the past, I've put on the gingham outfit, complete with bonnet, milked the cows, poured the bucket of milk into the churn ... oh, and braided my pigtails.
Deletehttps://www.google.com/search?q=gingham+outfit+little+house+on+the+prairie&rlz=1C1GCEA_enUS789US789&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwj9seehhpjcAhWH6YMKHQrXA7IQsAQIQg&biw=1442&bih=796#imgrc=-8fOaWFsxwaSxM:
Well, Jim, as fetching as that outfit is, a crucial part of that butter making is to wait for the cream to rise in the bucket and skim it off the milk. Only the cream goes in your churn.
DeleteHere's another man in gingham: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s8rev7S3lC8
I mentioned in the first go-around that my husband's parents and my mother died in the same year, and mentioned the contrasts between the accumulations of the in-laws v. my mother's more minimalist lifestyle. My mother and m-in-law were born 3 months apart. I feel the depression did impact their habits somewhat, but not a lot. All were financially secure during the depression. My parents and my husband's mother were in college when the crash came in 1929. All got jobs after college. They never went hungry.
ReplyDeleteI attributed my m-in-law's don't ever throw anything away lifestyle to her Puritan roots. I think the waste not, want not philosophy was transmitted from one generation to the next. My husband has told me stories of his grandfather's amazing thrift. He was also a savvy investor, and the results of investing his savings paid for his own 4 daughters' college educations (during the depression) at a time when few women, went to college. His grandfather's investments, growing over the years. also paid the college cossts of his grandchildren (my husband and his sibs) and great-grandchildren (our children and their cousins). Waste not, want not. Save and invest, don't spend.
My mother did not enjoy the financial security after marriage that my husband's parents enjoyed. Although my father graduated from college in the early years of the depression and got a decent job as a chemist, he always wanted "more". He spent, and he spent more than came in. Once the inevitable occurred after decades of a "good" Catholic marriage (divorce was forbidden. Making the whole family miserable was OK according to the church it seems), there was no money left for my mother (then 55) or for children. My father's sister took him in and cared for him until she died. My mom got a job.
From my mother, I learned how to live frugally but "well". I learned how to save every penny I earned in high school and college, and, even though we are financially secure in our retirement, I still find it hard to spend on material goods. Our biggest expenditures over the years were family vacations and school tuitions. We buy quality – our “luxury” cars (bought used always) last for many years (20 or more), without repairs.
I cleaned out my mother's 2 br condo after she died. My cousin came for one day to go through a cedar chest of photos. My mother had written on the backs of most, but not all. My cousin recognized a lot of people that I did not recognize. It took me about 2 days to go through everything, with the help of my cousin on one day. After that, pack up a few boxes to send to the siblings, call Goodwill, arrange for painting and cleaning, and list the condo for sale.
I thanked my mother in heaven for making the job so easy, especially since it had been a HUGE job to clearn out my in-laws stuff - first from their house, and then from their 2 BR condo, stuffed to the gills, and 3 storage units in the garage (my mom's storage unit was empty).
I am now going through hundreds of our own family photos. Throwing away many, dividing the rest in boxes to give to each son. Scanning a few.
I love, love, love to give away stuff (don't like throwing it away as much - waste). I feel much more free when the burden of too much stuff is lifted. Unfortunately, my husband is more like his own parents, and finds it hard to get rid of the excess. His workroom had three workbenches. He has shelves of several hundred tiny boxes of screws etc of every size imaginable, yet he still buys more. He has dozens of wrenches, screwdrivers, drills and bits, - tools of every kind.
Jean, I relate to your pain, and to the attraction to minimalism. I read the same article about the woman who has reduced waste to a thimble. I can't do as much, but have decided that my worn out chair and sofa will get new upholstery rather than be replaced with new, even though new is as cheap or cheaper (since I don't buy Architecture Digest kind of furniture!)
There are psychological studies that relate anxiety and depression to clutter and junk. I have pointed these out to Raber to little avail. He and the boy seem to enjoy and feel safe in a rat's nest. Meantime, I have my White Apartment Fantasy and thinking that marriage without co-habitation isn't such a bad idea.
DeleteI've a friend who's a pack rat. But he has a barn as a storage shed and, being partially of German extraction, evetything is organized. He can find everything. He still has his outfitted 1973 van which he hasn't used in decades. He starts it up every year and then puts it back in the barn.
DeleteYeah. Raber used to be Italian and German, but we found out the Italian was really Austrian.
DeleteHe likes rules and filling out forms. He loves income tax time. He also likes logic.
For example, making his ukulele on the living room coffee table is the perfect set up because the TV and coffee pot are right there.
He does not understand why I am so illogical about this.
I dunno, honey, I guess I'm just not German enough.
And he will nod and smile pitingly.
We're not pack rats. Just big time procrastinators. We're always going to do something about the extraneous clutter "later".
DeleteI actually do stuff about the clutter, and in Raber's head it's, Yay! More free space for my hobbies what did I do with that hot glue gun and C-clamps??
DeleteBesides Goodwill, Habitat for Humanities "ReStors", etc, I have found that there are groups such as "Freecycle", that take stuff that the others don't want.
ReplyDeletewww.freecycle.org
For example, we have upgraded out bathroom vanity (partly to get ready to sell in today's market. Our house was in the "country" when we moved in 45+ years ago. Now our neighborhood is "close in (to DC)" and "upscale", so trying to add a few of the bells and whistles young buyers want in this market). The old faux marble vanity top was fine, but nobody wanted it. Except for DIY types - as long as it's free, they will come get it. We got rid of old shower enclosure door and panels through Craigslist - advertised as free, picked up by the person wanting them.
We have a nicely lettered wooden "free" sign that I put out at the street with items occasionally. It never fails to be gone within 24 hours.
DeleteEvery summer I go backpacking, taking with me no more than what I can carry on my back. At the end of vacation, returning home, I am always struck by the superfluous quantity of items I own. That, and having an apartment with no basement nor attic, helps prevent accumulation.
ReplyDeleteYes, I recall vividly some escapes into the northern Michigan and Canadian wilderness. Why? I presume because there were no distractions.
DeleteI truly think I lead a simple lifestyle. I have very little attachment to "stuff". I'm fine with a chair and a good book. Well, and an Internet connection and something to plug it into.
ReplyDeleteBut the stuff accumulates just the same. We still get snail mail all the time, and it piles up, e.g. those infernal store coupons that are not good until next week, so we need to lie them aside until next week comes, by which time we've completely forgotten about them. And a stack grows.