Authenticity

The Washington Post has interviewed Stephanie Wilkinson, the owner of the Red Hen restaurant in Lexington, VA who triggered a much bigger furor than she probably anticipated when she refused to serve Sarah Huckabee Sanders because the latter is a collaborator in a presidential administration that Wilkinson considers to be deeply immoral.

The first half of the story, in which Wilkinson recounts the incident, is the subject of this post, although the second half, which rounds up reactions and further developments, also is worth reading.

On the evening in question, Wilkinson wasn't working, but the chef called her at home to inform her that Sanders was sitting in their restaurant, and that the staff was "concerned".  She went over to the restaurant to see for herself.  Here is how Wilkinson describes what happened:

When she walked into the restaurant, Wilkinson saw that there had been no mistake.  The Red Hen is no bigger than some apartments, and the group table was impossible to miss: Sanders in a black dress, her husband, three or four men and women of roughly similar ages, and an older couple. 

"They had cheese boards in front of them," Wilkinson said.  Like any other family.  The kitchen was already preparing the party's main course.  Wilkinson interrupted to huddle with her workers. 

Several Red Hen employees are gay, she said.  They knew Sanders had defended Trump's desire to bar transgender people from the military.  This month, they had all watched her evade questions and defend a Trump policy that caused migrant children to be separated from their parents. 

"Tell me what you want me to do.  I can ask her to leave," Wilkinson told her staff, she said.  "They said 'yes.'"

Wilkinson then asked Sanders to have a private conversation away from the table; and as has been widely reported, the two women politely and mutually agreed that Sanders would leave.

"I explained [to Sanders] that the restaurant has certain standards that I feel it has to uphold, such as honesty, and compassion, and cooperation."

Wilkinson also noted to the reporter that this conversation was not easy for her.

"I'm not a huge fan of confrontation," Wilkinson said.  "I have a business, and I want the business to thrive.  This feels like the moment in our democracy when people have to make uncomfortable actions and decisions to uphold their morals."

She also called out one or two interesting details about the incident:

It was important to Wilkinson, she said, that Sanders had already been served - that her staff had not simply refused her on sight.  And it was important to her that Sanders was a public official, not just a customer with whom she disagreed, many of whom were included in her regular clientele. [...] 

The others at [Sanders'] table would have been welcome to stay, Wilkinson said.  

The article is a sympathetic portrait of Wilkinson, and I find much to admire in her approach and her handling of the situation.  Among those admirable things:

• She checked out the situation herself before she made any decisions
• She consulted with her employees.  It seems clear that she treats them with professional respect, and in this instance showed great sensitivity to their points of view.  It's notable that this was a team decision, and not just her unilateral choice as the owner.  As it's reported in this story, it seems to me that one way to characterize her handling of the situation is: on this occasion,she prioritized the job satisfaction of her employees over the satisfaction of a customer.  There is no doubt that there are times in the life of a business when that is the correct way to proceed.
• It cost her something to have this difficult conversation.  By "cost", I don't mean financial cost, although that is a legitimate consideration for any small business owner, especially in the food service industry, which typically runs on small margins.  The story reports that Sanders' party offered to pay for the food that had been served, but Wilkinson insisted on "comping" it.  That decision may have made the difference between Wilkinson making or losing money that evening.  But the cost I am thinking of here is the emotional cost of a non-confrontational person going against her nature and confronting someone - and that person a nationally prominent official with a media bully pulpit.
• She did her best, in this situation, to spare Sanders any unnecessary humiliation.  Given the decision that Wilkinson made, I thought she went about executing it as respectfully as she was able
• Wilkinson clearly is a thoughtful person.  She made distinctions between Sanders and the others in her party that not every restaurant owner would make.  And it seems clear that she took into consideration that her staff was going against its preferences by being professional and serving this unwelcome guest, and this was a factor in the decision

Perhaps the thing that I find most admirable about Wilkinson, in this portrait, is that she is seeking to operate her business according to her principles.  This should be familiar to any Christian.  I spend a good deal of time throughout the year haranguing the folks in my parish congregation to do the same - to bring the teachings of Jesus into the workplace, the classroom, the local community - wherever we human beings meet up and interact with one another.

If I had to choose a word to characterize Wilkinson's handling of the situation, it would be "authentic".  From first to last, it seems to me that Wilkinson behaved authentically: seeking to suit her actions to her principles, even at personal and financial cost.  She showed a good deal of integrity.  In our contemporary culture's ranking of desirable traits, authenticity is at or near the top.

In other posts here at NewGathering about this incident, I've commented that I disagree with Wilkinson's decision.  I haven't changed my mind about that.  I don't think she made the right call here.  She should have let Sanders's party finish their meal, and insisted that her staff maintain their professionalism throughout.  As Wilkinson herself notes in the interview, that is the lot of a restaurant owner: serving many people with whom one disagrees.  I don't find the claim that there is something different about Sanders to be persuasive.  Nor do I believe that these are abnormal times that call for breaking the rules of human courtesy.

Authenticity is an admirable thing, but it is not the only thing.  We can act authentically and still be wrong.  All human beings make mistakes.  I make them every day.  Business owners certainly make mistakes.  I hope, for Wilkinson's sake, that what she did to Huckabee doesn't turn out to harm her business.  I doubt she bargained for the controversial publicity that has descended upon her and her small business.  I wish her and her business well.  There is much about how she went about this that I'd like to emulate in my own life.