The other day I met a
passenger at the airport. When her Delta flight landed and disgorged its
contents, I thought I was on Mount Ararat. There were nearly as many dogs and
cats as people. I didn’t see the comfort turkey the airline mentioned in its
announcement.
So I was not surprised to hear that Delta announced that
there will be new standards when it has to carry passengers’ pet alter egos.
And I do mean egos.
Starting March 1,
passengers will have to document that their animals are cabin-broken. No more
urinating or defecating on other passengers. No more licking the face of the
stranger in the next seat. No more attacking passengers – as one dog did to
become part of the lawsuit that finally led to action.
After the break I
will say something that will get me called an unfeeling clod.
First, you should
know that Palm Beach International is not just any airport. It has miracle
wheelchairs. On an ordinary flight from here as many as 20 passengers may need
assistance boarding the plane, but at the destination, with 20 wheelchairs
waiting, only two will be needed. Somehow 18 people who were so frail they had
to board first have become agile enough to compete with 18-year-olds in the
race to the baggage claim area.
Other airports are
victims of that dodge, but not in the quantities we have. If there are dodges,
PBI has the dodgers. When I used to take it fairly often, there was an evening
flight to here from Philadelphia. In the city of brotherly love, the first
boarding announcement didn’t thank us for choosing the airline and hope our
trip would be joyful. It was more on the order of, “Listen up. We have a way of
boarding this plane, and there are no exceptions. I am authorized to bar you
from getting on, and, believe me, I will, and I don’t care who you are. If you don’t like it, get ready for another night
in Philadelphia.” They didn’t say that on flights to Chicago or St. Louis.
Before emotional
support animals standard issue on all flights, a Palm Beacher held the seat
next to me on a Philadelphia-West Palm Beach run. She had a purse that would
not fit in the overhead rack nor under the seat in front of her. Much of it had
to fit on my seat. And inside was a bitty mutt that didn’t stick his ugly head
out until we were airborne. The lady seemed to be well dressed, and she was
certainly well perfumed, and when the flight attendant tried to pour water into
a cup from a large bottle for her, she
snatched the whole bottle for herself and Ugly. She did not say thank
you. I don’t know why she wasn’t in first class because everything about her
suggested that was where she belonged.
Anyway, that was my
introduction to flying with emotional support animals that, advocates
assure us, stand between the shaky psyches
of their owners and derangement that would cause the murder of fellow passengers.
Maybe dismemberment as well. There are now tens of thousands of Americans who
are a danger to themselves and others without animal support.
The difference
between a support Doberman and a pet Doberman is this: The support animal flies
free. You have to pay to fly a pet or to board him. The tension of having to
spend money when there is a dodge to avoid it is so great that some people have
to use their pets as emotional support, and who could argue with that?
I, who have to cram myself into a little less than six
cubic feet next to the animal and its owner, that’s who. And, thankfully, now
Delta Airlines. The airline probably still hasn’t gone far enough. I’ll bet there
still will be 10 or 20 dodgers to every passenger who really and truly needs
his “emotional support animal.”
Of course, what the airline is talking about is herding
cats. And you know how hard that is thought to be.
You have my total sympathy!
ReplyDeleteHow about switching to gerbils for "support animals"? They could fit in the troubled fliers shirt pocket.
I used to think service animals were seeing-eye dogs. Highly trained dogs who helped their sight impaired owners get safely from place to place. I'm on board with whatever accommodations are necessary for those kind of pets. But I think you are right that some people are taking advantage because they don't want to pay for their pets to fly.
ReplyDeleteBut having said that, the last time we flew, an older couple boarded with their little Pekinese in a carrier. I thought to myself "Wow, this is gonna be fun." But the dog was perfectly behaved. Not nearly so annoying as the unaccompanied tween who whistled nonstop the whole time.
And there is a general trend of "love me, love my pet". A family member lately was venting that she couldn't invite her married children for dinner (she has four of them) without them dragging their dogs along. They cause problems with the resident pets, not to mention general confusion.
That's why I have cats. They don't want to go anywhere.
DeleteDisability advocates are concerned that misbehaving animals will bar their seeing eye and helper dogs from flights.
ReplyDeleteThe airlines could solve this problem and make money by renting out placid rabbits to those who desire therapy companions. Attendants could be taught how to handle and de-stress the animals between flights.
Or the airline could reduce the need for therapy animals in flights by making seating less packed in. People like me who hate flying are often claustrophobes, and the way coach passengers are crammed in there heightens fears. It also would reduce the incidence of motion sickness, exacerbated by tensions and discomfort brought on by poor seating design.
Yes. There are two news stories that turn up once or twice a year. One is that American fannies are wider and fatter than they were last year. The other is that the airlines have shaved an inch off their seats.
DeleteProbably a bit of both, but if fannies are wider, the airline should accommodate reality by making bigger seats and charging more if they have to.
DeleteIf they're extremely nervous flyers, they should give them that stuff they knock me out with during a colonoscopy. The airline could economize on space even more by stacking them in racks during the flight. They wouldn't have to give them a soda and seven peanuts or whatever free stuff remains.
DeleteI'm not a particularly nervous flyer, so maybe I don't understand. But worrying about a pet (who I'm pretty sure wouldn't want to be flying) would not be a thing that I would find calming and relaxing. A better relaxer would be a tablet with a set of earbuds, loaded with favorite music and happy movies.
DeleteOn the other hand, if I'm a car passenger in heavy traffic, shoot me up with Stanley's elixer and wake me up when we get there. Just ask my husband and sons.
No need to resort to the Propofol though that stuff is great. A Klonopin/Dramamine cocktail worked OK for me, but it increased jet lag and brain fog.
DeleteHaha, car rides. I drive because Raber misses turns and exits while ranting about politics. Driving to the Detroit Institute of Arts in a Honda with an angry man is not an experience I care to repeat.
Mostly, though, we go is Up North. He hates the Great Outdoors, so he goes to the cheese shop and micro brewery while I sit by the lake and watch the birdies in my lawn chair.
He comes back with picnic stuff from said shop, pretends to be interested in the herons for 10 minutes, and then we go home.
I am not a road warrior, as Tom and some others are, or were. But we travel via plane about 6 times/year. Most of those flights are coast-to-coast, or overseas to Europe. So generally flights that are 5 - 9 hours. We plan a trip to Australia later this year and I'm trying to figure out how to get upgraded for the 15 hours non-stop from California to Sydney so that we can sleep flat out. We have enough miles now on one airline to swing it I think.
ReplyDeleteFlying has become a misery, so we now do what we can to make it easier on our old bodies. We joined Global Entry, which almost guarantees TSA precheck - no taking off shoes and belts and jackets, no pulling out phones and laptops and tablets to put in a bin, no little plastic baggie of liquids - just walk through the machine and it's almost like the good old days. Coming back into the USA we bypass the normal immigration line, scan our passports and fingerprints into a machine, and head for the short customs line, waving at the immigration officers as we pass them. Well worth $100 each, good for 5 years!
One aggravation alleviated. We have credit cards for the airlines we fly most frequently, which provides us with one free checked bag each, and semi-priority boarding - ahead of the final group, but behind the first class etc.
Since the airlines have shrunk both the seats and the amount of legroom available, we are now shelling out extra $ for "economy plus" (which is pretty much like the old economy standard) on long haul flights - 6 hours or more (it's 6 hours to California, so we upgrade, but only 4 1/2 hours headed east and home, so we don't). So, with some extra money, we can make the flights a bit more tolerable.
But, now we are having to deal with animals on the flights, something I never saw until fairly recently, in the last couple of years. Years ago, and very rarely we would see small animals (cats and very small dogs) in kennels that would stow under the seats, and the animals were medicated so they wouldn't bark or howl all the way across the country.
We have not flown Delta in 30 years. But, I just might look into using them more in the future if they are going to do something about this abuse of the rules that permit REAL service animals for blind or disabled people on board - the REAL service animals are perfectly trained and cause no worries to anyone. The other passengers with their "comfort" pets are just gaming the system, probably trying to get out of paying to transport their pets, as noted above.